If I'm being honest with you, I don't have tough skin. I've never been one to brush off negative comments or hurtful words. I can't overlook certain actions and I can't let things go easily. I take them in and they build up inside until it spills over. Kind of like when you drop a bottle of soda. It looks fine on the outside but then the cap begins to unscrew and suddenly the tension builds and builds until it just comes rushing out at once. So, if you're anything like me, you internalize the hurt and rejection and you let it eat away at yourself and you begin to believe these things. You let it control you and you let the words and actions of others define you.
Suddenly, what was someone else's problem with you, is now your own problem with yourself. If the relationship doesn't work out, it's because there's something wrong with you. Maybe you weren't good enough or maybe you weren't cool enough. Maybe if you tried a little harder to look nice or maybe if you acted a certain way they would still be here. All you can do is find reason after reason to turn the blame back on yourself.
Today I was making my routine scroll through Pinterest when a random quote by Samantha King Holmes came up. It said "we're too quick to blame ourselves when someone doesn't love us" and that really hit me hard. It's so painfully true. That's when I realized my mistake. You see, this whole time I kept pointing at myself and picking out my flaws, because I thought that's the problem with everything. In actuality, we should never apologize for who we are. We should never take that hurt in and let it simmer until suddenly we feel convinced that they're right or that we are less than.
When someone doesn't love us or accept us it doesn't make us wrong. It doesn't make us a problem. It does not mean you are not good enough. It means the other person simply failed to notice what you have to offer. (thank you Pinterest and Daniell Koepke for that, too) Everyone has their own insecurities, their own wants and needs, and their own limitations. Just because you don't fit their mold doesn't mean you have to turn that back on yourself. Your worth is NOT contingent upon others' acceptance of you.
Speak up about your needs and your wants. Tell people when it hurts and don't let that hurt control you. Your purpose does not depend on the opinions of others and you don't have to validate yourself. The truth is, you're enough exactly how you are. Regardless of the hurt that builds up, regardless of who accepts you or fails to accept you, you are not to blame because someone failed to see your worth.
