New Year, New Me, right? Welcome to 2018. Last month I declared that I wanted to take care of myself mentally and physically but, most importantly, emotionally. I, like most people now-a-days, got on Pinterest and spent 2 hours searching on ways to do this. I stumbled across the new fabulous diet, such as Keto, I read about at home work outs, gym work outs, and "clean eating". While these all are great ideas; Keto seemed impossible to me because I'm lactose intolerant and I hate cooking, at home work outs are hard with a 3 year old running around, the gym is great, but I struggle with holding myself accountable, and clean eating will come once I crave it. Eventually, I finally decided to read about yoga, specifically, hot yoga. I read quite a few things about it and it seemed intriguing to me. See, last year I started to have panic attacks after I got out of an abusive relationship. For a long time I no longer felt in control of my own breathing. While I was doing research on yoga I came across words that made my heart beat fast: we focus on breathing. I immediately got on google and started looking up yoga studios near me and found one 8 minutes away that does $8 beginning hot yoga classes on Sunday. I knew that I had to sign up with my new found confidence so I immediately plugged in my information and paid my dues. Here we go, I was officially trying yoga in 4 days.

The days ticked by, quicker than normal, and I was a bit nervous. Did I want Sunday to come? Did I not want Sunday to come? Was I actually going to go through with this class? Or was I going to hide on the comfort of my couch? I truly did not know what was going to happen that Sunday. On Saturday I decided to try to make myself feel a bit more comfortable with the idea of trying something new so I hopped in my car and  went to 5 Below and bought myself a yoga mat and a yoga towel. They were cheaply made but it was mine and it made me feel less like a newbie. 

Finally, Sunday rolls around. I put on yoga pants, a loose fitting shirt and grabbed my mat and towel. On my short 8 minute drive I blasted my comfort music and got myself pumped. I could do this and I was doing this. I had no idea what I was in for but that was exciting. I pulled up to the yoga studio and it was small but welcoming. The inside smelled a little bit like feet but I chalked that up to it being winter and everyone's shoes smelled at this point. I walked up to the front, checked in, and made my way into the dark room. I was welcomed by the heat and I was comforted by seeing people there that were all shapes and sizes. I sat right up front because I wanted to be able to see what everyone was doing - I failed to study the jargon that came with yoga. The teacher came in, turned down the lights, put on soothing music and began to talk. The moment she began to talk I knew I found my haven. She spoke of releasing toxins, deep breathing, and letting go of any expectations I might have. I lost myself. I lost myself in the heat, my sweat, the music and every syllable that came out of her mouth. I felt safe, I felt disconnected from the world. Those 75 minutes changed my life. As  we came to the end of our practice, we laid on our backs and we lay there completely still. Deep breathing. The teacher walked around still saying encouraging words, I felt her hover over me and she placed a cool lavender towel on my head, and I melted. I held back tears and I got goosebumps. My anxiety was the lowest it had been in a year. I felt like I could truly become the person I was before my abuse, before my therapist tried to prescribe me medicine, before my panic attacks. I was going to be alright.

Hot Yoga, while mentally and emotionally empowering, is not easy. But the work and the learning is completely worth it. I have been going every Sunday for almost 2 months now. No, I cannot do a handstand and yes, some days I have to force myself off the couch, but every time I go I can feel my body get a little bit stronger, my brain relaxes and my thoughts become positive. While Hot Yoga may not be for everybody, I truly recommend giving it a shot. I highly advise attending a beginners class as your first class. I tried a class that did not have the word beginner in it and I was truly out of my element. The only thing I felt was despair and discouragement. Not from my teacher but from myself. That is when I knew I would continue with only beginner classes until I truly felt ready to move on to the next level.

I hope you enjoyed reading about my experiences and I hope that you give it a try. If you do, please reach out and let me know your experiences. I would love to hear about them.

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