The word "psycho" has been a word used to describe me since I was thirteen years old and I used to be ashamed of it. But now, I refuse to feel bad for it, and now I'll wear it a a badge of pride.

I was always the "weird" kid: I didn't know how to interact correctly with people and I would get very obsessive about things and people, starting from when I was only four years old. I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (commonly known as Asperger's or ASD) when I was five, and everyone thought that would be the end of my problems. As I got older, I got weirder in two ways: my interests were growing "darker", ranging from rock music to serial killers to wanting to be a embalmer; but also I started to show symptoms for what we know now is my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Now of course, being mentally ill is a very taboo subject, especially in my small Catholic school, so the word psycho was used to describe me a lot. It started to hurt; knowing so many people had a skewed view of me over something I couldn't control.

When I entered college, my BPD and ASD really started acting up. I would get obsessive about things and the next week it would be something else. I changed my gender identity and sexuality quite often (half trying to find myself, half that whole identity crisis part of BPD), and I started losing my temper extremely easy. I found of my sophomore year of college that a lot of the people I considered my friends, including a faculty member, would call me psycho behind my back and the word itself, among other things, basically drove me into an episode that landed me in the hospital.

Recently something happened and it was really bad. I called someone out for being racist and after a hour or two of arguing I said some things I'm not proud of. Of course, I was called a psycho, by old classmates and people who only knew me through a screenshot. The word triggered another episode leading me to denting a wall and having throbbing knuckles.

I went to my family therapist's office and he asked me why the word psycho really bothered me and honestly, I didn't have an answer. I realized that my prejudice against the word was due to my preconceived notions from when I was thirteen and afraid of being different, but I had evolved passed that; while I still have my extremely bad mental health days where my ugly symptoms show, I still have conquered so much. and "psycho" isn't a bad word in the context people use it for- it's a word used to describe someone who is different, who goes against the norm (wither because of a mental illness or by choice), someone who stands out and makes other people uncomfortable.

I can be passionate, obsessive, angry, weird, controversial, evolving, in-your-face, and different- and those are the reasons people think I'm a psycho. Sure, I have my bad, hell, really bad moments, and I have said and done horrible things out of anger, and have just done some very weird things and made bad choices; but that's life with a mental illness, and I have to deal with it.

So yes, I am a psyho. Get over it.