Isn’t it funny how we trust the least intimate people in our lives but not the ones we love?
We trust complete strangers who drive next to us or pass us on the road. We trust that the driver of the two ton Toyota will not cross the center line. We trust that they are not under the influence, texting while driving, or distracted in general. We trust that they are responsible drivers with a valid driver’s license and a conscience.
We trust the people or machines that make our food. When we go out to eat, we trust that the cook will not poison the pasta sauce. When we say “no mushrooms,” we hope the waitress will care enough to tell the cook of our allergies. We trust that there will not be a nail or screw in our loaf of bread from a mishap at the factory.
We trust the pharmacist who refills the medication that we need. We assume that it is not a placebo; we expect we are getting the pain killer or the anti-anxiety med that we so desperately cannot live without.
We trust security guards, police officers, doctors, and teachers. We trust they will protect us from those we do not trust. We trust doctors will evaluate our symptoms to create a course of action which is in our best interest. We trust the education of educators.
How is it that we rely on those we barely know? What is the name of the man in the Toyota next to you at the stoplight? How many children does the waitress have? Is the pharmacist afraid of heights? Has the security guard ever cuffed somebody? Has the police officer ever killed somebody? Does your doctor regret going to medical school? What is your teacher’s favorite color?
The man driving the Toyota tells his wife how beautiful she is and she immediately asks what he has done wrong. The waitress at your favorite restaurant has three young children at home but you do not trust her attention to detail and hesitate before you take the first bite of your hopefully mushroom-less pasta. The pharmacist you see once a month is a roller coaster enthusiast but he also believes in the healing power of medicine. The security guard at the mall caught three shoplifters last week who happened to have drugs and weapons. The police officer who pulled you over for speeding was put on administrative leave for two months after he pulled the trigger on a teenager who pointed a gun at him. Your doctor has a passion for painting and rock climbing but continues to spend more than 70 hours a week juggling primary patients, ER patients, and surgical patients. Oh, and your teacher? She loves blue and clearly does not teach for the money.
What happened when you started to learn about these people? Did you start to trust them more?
Why is it any different for the people we know, love, and care about?
When it comes to the people we love, it takes time to trust. The thought of our primary doctor quitting medicine to paint is absurd but we could move on. The thought of a partner moving out to follow a passion elsewhere is hard to swallow. We lose trust in them; we feel betrayed and abandoned. It takes time to let them follow their passion but also to trust they will find their way back home.
Take the time you need. Know that it is OK to trust those you do not know and to not trust those you do know.
After all, what we don’t know can’t hurt us, right?
