Bubs,

2016 was a mess; it was full of a lot of change for me. What I never really noticed was how you were a part of a lot of big things that happened along the way. From moving to Idaho, introducing me to my amazing friends, keeping me sane in my huge transition, helping me with my meds, and above all becoming my best friend. 2016 was the greatest blessing to me because it brought me to you.

I’m writing this on New Year’s Eve, which is forcing me to think about resolutions. As you know, you and I have already talked about the meal prepping and workout lifestyle us two fat kids need each other for. But then I need to have my selfish resolution, what I need to do for myself. But even trying to think of myself, I can’t help but think of you because somehow, after only 2 months, you are a part of me.

But when I think of us, I think of what drew us together, and all of that goes back our creator. We said it on the first night, we were only going to be together if it builds God’s kingdom, because as followers, that’s what we are supposed to do anyways. We knew though that being together we would be much stronger, but with this comes the devil on us and we have fought him every day. I love fighting for the Lord with you every day.

So what do I do with this year, what changes?

I want to love you, fully and completely but in order to do that I have to love Him first and with everything I have got. I’ve lost that as the years have gone on and my sickness has prevailed. I have lost hope in healing, lost hope that He still sees me. But He died on the cross for me, I was worth the sacrifice then, and I’m still worth it now. How do I change how I live every day appreciating His sacrifice and making sure my life is worth His sacrifice? I feel I can do that best with you. I am reminded of His love every day I am with you because you give me a tangible version of His love. Maybe I needed you to be reminded of His love for me.

So to 2017, I dedicate you to putting God first in every and any decision; before my words, before my actions. I will restore my faith in God’s power to heal. I will believe that I was worth His sacrifice then and am still worth it now. I will take each day with Brayden as a blessing. Take each day to learn more about him and grow together in our relationship. I will make our relationship not about our own will but His will. I will love him to the best of my abilities because I have a God who taught me how to truly love.

2017, let me love the way God intended His people to love.