I hope you’re doing well since the last time we’ve spoken years ago. I hope and pray you get everything your heart desires, except for the things that don’t agree with the Word of God because I hope to see you in Heaven one day. I know your ‘now-friends’ support you in all areas and I’m really happy you’ve found people that compliment you more than I ever could. I hope they guide you well down the paths and journeys that await you. I bet you’re wondering why I wrote you. Let me explain…
I want to apologize for not understanding enough or agreeing enough. I want to apologize for not listening enough and talking too much. I want to apologize for encouraging a lifestyle that probably hurts you more than it helps you. I want to apologize for adding to the list of people that forgot about you. I want to apologize for not praying for you like real friends should. An apology to those moments that I could have really helped had I known who I really was. But because we were both so lost, we remained blind.
Just to catch you, that guy you said would eventually ‘ask me out’ did. Took him nearly a year later to come to his senses! Unfortunately, we weren’t for each other… at all. Thanks for encouraging one of the most painful parts of my life because at the time it made me ‘happy’. But I’m not being sarcastic, I learned a lot after I realized I was worth more than just an early pick-up and late phone call. For the longest I was so hurt from feeling deceived, however, I was the one leading the deception. Once I got out, I actually got into some great things though. And thank you for trying to stay connected, but you unintentionally hurt me…
When you left out of my life, I knew it was over. It hurt because you were who I leaned on, literally my lifeline. When you left I gave up on friends and any friendship that had potential. I figured they would all end up leaving me. Just. Like. The. Rest. Just like you. While you pursued your heart’s desire, I secretly hoped the worst. In your pursuit of happiness, I found my inner hurt. And in that inner hurt, I found a piece of me I didn’t know existed. I found someone that didn’t know who they were. I found a hurt little girl that had been in pain for years but didn’t realize it because she had been living on other’s happiness.
When I lost you, I finally started looking for myself. I no longer needed. I didn’t need reassurance or validation. I didn’t need someone to tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I didn’t need a laugh or a drink. In fact, I didn’t need anyone nor did I want anyone. But one. The One. See, I allowed you to fill a void that someone else was suppose to fill. When I finally met them, I truly met myself. My worth. And oh, it was worth it! When I lost you, I found Him. And I soon came to the realization that He was all I needed.
So thank you, for leaving. Thank you for looking back to see if I was still alive. Thank you for never judging me and supporting me when I should not have been supported. Thank you for not hiding the real you. Thank you for telling me when I didn’t quite match and my pants had one too may wrinkles in them. Thank you for not hating me for finding the true me. Thank you being there when not a lot of other people were. Thank you for being a friend when I needed one the most. But most of all, thank you for being my ex-bestfriend. Had you still been my bestfriend, I may have never discovered who I really am… Or more importantly, who He really is.