I wrote my first love letter to myself. Why? Well, I haven't had the opportunity to write any other kind of love letter, and quite frankly, I think it's fitting that I should write one to myself before anyone else. After all, I'll be the one to live with myself the longest, and I should love me before anyone else does. Like that one author said, "Love yourself so much that when others see you, they know exactly how it's done." When I wrote this, I wrote it the way I believe God sees me, and the way I believe I should/try to/do love myself for exactly who I am. I also wrote it for you, too. I hope you know that you deserve to be loved, and deserve to love yourself, just as you are.
Hello there, nice to see you again.
Alright, who am I kidding, you've never left. Which is something I ought to thank you for. Thank you for sticking around and sticking with it, even when times get rough. Thank you for putting a smile on your face and standing right back up whenever life throws you things that knock you down and don't make sense. You are beautiful, brave, and incredibly strong, and I think sometimes you forget that about yourself.
Also, I think you believe that you've changed a lot over the past year, and while yes, you have, I don't think it's quite as much as you think it is. You're still you, deep down. You're just growing up, and as you grow up, you change which is a good thing. I'm glad you haven't stayed in the same place because after a certain point, it stopped growing you. You are smarter than you think, and I know sometimes that surprises you- like you didn't know you had it in you, but deep down I've known it all along.
There are, and will be, people and circumstances in your life that are there/will happen to you purely for the sake of you growing. They may come in and out of your life like a bird on the breeze, but don't try to hold onto them when they want to leave. You are worthy of people choosing to be with you. You can't force anyone to stay any more than you can make a baby walk before he's ready.
Another thing: never be afraid to say how you feel, what you feel, or what you need to say. You have the power to create and destroy a world of good or bad with a few words off the tip of your tongue; may you never forget the strength that is within you.
Your ability to love is so beautiful. It has never been a downfall, no matter how many times you feel that it is pulling you astray. Those moments needed to happen to you. Sometimes you have to feel pain to fully understand what love can truly feel like, and all the good it can bring to you, even in the bad. You will, and have already, influenced the lives of others around you, and they have influenced you, too. Everything in your life that has led up to this moment in time. It has brought you where you are now, and it truly needed to happen to you which is a good thing. You've gained momentary happiness, and lifelong lessons from them, and while that may sometimes seem less than wonderful, it has grown you beautifully over these past few years, and still is, actually.
I look forward to seeing where it all brings you over these next few years and throughout the rest of your life. Always know that you have me, okay? I won't leave you, and Jesus never has or will either. We'll get the job done, together, no matter the task.
That smile of yours, it lights up a room, and I know you don't always notice that, but the after-affects of your love are like the last rays of sunlight before the sun fully sets. I love you. I know sometimes I may not appreciate you as much as you deserve, but I promise that I am constantly trying to do better, for you.
Promise me one thing. You know that quote by Warsan Shire, the one that states, "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude?" Promise me that you will stay true to this statement. Promise me that you will not let temporary "loneliness," or momentary desires to cause you to stray from what you know you need, want, and deserve. I know you're not perfect and that sometimes you will falter, but I will always be here to remind you who you are and that you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be taken care of. And while those are both "inside jobs," other individuals can add to those specific needs. So promise me that you will wait for the person who creates more of this within you, and in your life.
You will always mean more to me than words could ever say.
Love,
Shyann
XOXO
