Dear Past Rachel,
Hey love. How are you doing? I know the answer to this. Not good, right? Let me guess, you're parents are fighting again and you're probably in your bathroom doing something that you'll regret doing. I know. I know. I'm writing to you from the future. Yes, the future. I remember what you had planned. July 24. Yeah. I know. Shocking right? Let me tell you how your life will be. You'll lose a friend near and dear to your heart and it will be god awful. You'll break up with the boy who you thought you were going to marry. You will get caught doing that thing you've been hiding and forced into a program you don't want to be in, and it won't work. It will only make things worse. You'll find a way to cope with the demons in your head and forget about them for a little while. Times will be tough. You will highly consider ending it all numerous times, but you never will.
You'll come to terms with your sexuality - even though you think you'll never be able to be who you are. I have news for you. All those nights, you laid in your bed and cried wishing your parents would split up? Well it happens, maybe not in the way you wanted it to though. You will get hurt. But you will be strong and push through. In the end of all the madness and drama, you will meet the girl of your dreams and finally find a group of people who love you and support you. You'll be okay. You will be found. You will push through. You will walk with your graduating class, don't let your GPA in junior year get you down because you pulled that 2.2 to a 3.8 and you got a varsity letter for academic success. You will be involved in theatre and it will lead you to become a future president of an improv club that will change your life forever. Oh. Also. You will meet a girl named Abby Murphy. You meet her in a weird situation, Friday the 13th a** tattoos, but you will fall in love with her and be happy. Yes. You will be genuinely happy.
Your sister who has been sick for oh so long will finally...finally get a diagnosis and start her road to health. I wish I could say your mental health gets better but it doesn't. That was harsh. Let me explain. Your father will attack you. And this will lead you down a dark road of PTSD symptoms and you may never get a true diagnosis but you will know for a fact that this changed your life forever. You will become more anxious and scared being in public for the first few months, but you will be fine. I can truly say that you will never see him again, even though he will try and be in your life.
Your relationship with your mother will become a little rocky once you turn 18. Give her a break. She's stressed.
College! You will change your major three times and it will be hard. Warning you now your first spring semester will be very very difficult but you will pass. You will fall even more in love with your girlfriend and want to spend every waking moment with her. Let's talk about her a little bit. Like I told you before you met her when your group of friends were going for Friday the 13th tattoos. Yes, at this point you already have one tattoo. I'll show you a picture.
Sweet, isn't it? You drew it yourself. Anyway. Back to the girl. She and her best friend were going to get ass tattoos and she told your friend she had a crush on you. You'll play a short awkward game of truth or dare and that will be it. You'll start to talk more and more and more until suddenly you'll confess your feelings for her in the truck at work (you work at Shoprite by the way, sorry in advance). You'll fall in love with her every time you see her. You'll forget about the outside world when you're with her. You love her so much and so does your mom and your sister. You will be afraid to lose her, but you won't. I promise.
Alright, kiddo. I'll see you in a few years. Good luck.
Love,
present/future Rachel.
