Being from the midwest/the Bible Belt, I’ve heard tons of people try to show their “Christ-like” attitudes by ironically saying the judgemental phrase “I don’t judge”. When we try to show our understanding and compassion towards others, we think by saying “I don’t judge” will help the situation or make us look more understanding. However, it indirectly belittles the other person’s issue and can make them feel even worse as you even seem less understanding. Saying “I don’t judge” indirectly points out that there is a reason to judge which doesn’t help anyone when they’re seeking comfort or compassion. The last thing to say to someone that is seeking advice is that they’re wrong, but you personally won’t be blatantly rude to them about it. That’s what is truly said when “I don’t judge” is blurted out.
What makes “I don’t judge” even worse is that any input given, whether it be positive or negative, is technically a form of judgement. So, “I don’t judge” doesn’t make any sense and is completely useless. No one is going to think that you’re a saint when you say “I don’t judge”, they’re just going to think that you think too highly of yourself by saying you don’t judge. Everyone has an opinion, it’s apart of being human.
An example of this being detrimental is when people come out of the closet. When they have shared their most personal, inner battle with their friends and family that they took the courage to confide in, they don’t want to hear “I don’t judge”. They’re not asking for the person that they came out to to tell them if they’re morally right or wrong. All they want is their acceptance and love and saying “I don’t judge” doesn’t show any ounce of compassion.
In no way are you actually showing sympathy or your open mindedness towards someone who has spilled their heart to you by mindlessly blurting that out. You’ve turned their personal grief into some alienated showcase that you’ve inconsiderately judged. The phrase “I don’t judge” is a cop out for people who don’t want to actually give their personal advice or opinion to others. They believe by saying such will speak for itself and show their high morals, however all it does is make them seem even more brutal and shows how little they care for the other person.
If you want to show that you essentially are a good person who can sympathize with someone else's problems, then you should probably start out with helping them find a solution rather than indirectly saying that know what they’ve done is wrong, but you won’t “judge” aka give them s**t for it. Actually take the time to give proper input to people who actually took the courage to share their faults and problems with you. “I don’t judge” quite frankly makes you look like an a** that thinks too highly of themselves.
The emotional damage that can be taken by the ones you care about when you say “I don’t judge” is tremendous. It’s the biggest slap in the face to someone who actually cares about your opinion as it tells them that you didn’t care enough to give a better, more personal response. So the next time you think that you’re actually doing someone a favor by saying “I don’t judge”, please don’t. Just use your brain that God gave you to give a more considerate, heartfelt response.
