What's up, Broseph? It's me, the guy whose life you're trying to ruin. Long time no see, but in reality it's only been about a day.

You're a tricky bastard, you know that? You're like one of those people that can use mind control. You can make them believe whatever you want and do whatever you want.

You can cripple a person by making them believe something is real when in reality it isn't.

You make me believe that my life is awful when in reality it isn't.

You make me think that the girl I like won't text me back because she doesn't want to talk to me when she's just really busy.

You put it into my head that I am worthless when I'm worth the world to some people.

You make me believe I am weak when I am stronger than you could ever imagine.

You try to make me believe that I'd be better off dead, even though I have a lot of living left to do.

Everyone experiences depression differently, but these are just a few of the things I feel. I never know when you really came into my life. I have always had anxiety but I'm trying to pin-point when exactly it was that you came to me. That does not matter because you're still here.

You don't come around as often as you used to, but I still can tell when you're around. Sometimes you'll leave for a day, sometimes you'll leave for a month, but one thing is for certain. You always find you're way back.

One day after you'd been around me for about a month straight with no breaks I decided to go talk to a Therapist

I talked about all of these irrational fears...and what an ass you are.

After I saw my Therapist for a while I was put on medication. The medication is like the security guard to my brain, and his job is to kick you out whenever he finds you.

Most of the time he does a good job, but sometimes you manage to sneak in the back or something like that because you're annoying.

Where you hit me the worst is confidence.

For some reason, I have not beaten you yet. You take all of my fears and insecurities about myself and put them in my head. I can't talk to a girl without freaking out that she probably hates me.I can't write a paper or take a test without walking out feeling like I've failed.

But

I usually get A's on the tests and papers (You're welcome mom) that you made me believe I failed.

I'll also probably have better luck with confidence because I'm handsome as hell.

But the point is, you're not usually right.

I'm probably going to have to deal with you for the rest of my life.

I'm probably never going to get over all of my fears.

I'm probably always going to hate you.

However, at the end of the day....I still hate you.

Until the next time you barge into my life

Yours truly,

Ryan Jordan

P.S.

If you are depressed please do not hesitate to get help. Getting help is the first step in the direction towards happiness. I was reluctant at first, but now I wish I went sooner.

I hope that if you're reading this you can share it for other people who are suffering with depression and don't think they'll ever feel good again. Because one day the pain will be gone. One day you'll wake up happy and smiling. One day you're going to look back on this part of your life and realize all of the worrying was not worth it.

One day you're going to look back and say I survived.

I write to try and make other people feel better, and the depression is never going to stop me from helping other people.

You can get through this.

I promise.