If there’s one thing I know we all love about college, it’s essay-writing.
Indeed, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do with my free time after a long, tiring day at school -- dragging myself through monotonous, textbook-verbatim lectures supplemented by fill-in-the-blank note guides -- than sit down with my fourth cup of coffee, muscles aching, and eyes heavy with exhaustion, to write myself a good essay as the light of early dawn peeks through my window.
Over the years, writing essays has developed into a kind of artisan craft to me; every small detail, every punctuation, every mechanic of fluency and vocabulary comes together to create a unique, and intricate piece of art.
So today, I’m going to share all of my essay-writing secrets with you. Let’s take this step-by-step.
Here are three pre-writing rules I always follow:
1 - Never start brainstorming right away. Upon receiving your writing prompt, the worst thing you could do is over-think it; your ideas could become stale and boring to write about by the time you begin.
2 - Don’t give yourself more than one night to write your entire essay. Rome may not have been built in a day, but your teacher’s not asking for Rome.
3 - Outlining is a waste of time. Take your paper head on, and let it write itself! The same way people don’t often work well with strict guidelines, essays proceed more fluently when allowed to flow on their own.
Below, I have provided the basic paragraph models I use for every essay I write. Follow these, and the three rules, and you are set for the rest of your essay writing career!(Triple Spaced)
Name
Date (choose a date two days or so before
the due date to feign extra preparation)
Class Title/Time/Weather (optional)
Any other random information to fill this margin as much as possible
Essay Title
(preferably a clever pun, or zeugma)
By: (State your name again)
Here is your introductory line, with an interesting fact, a dictionary definition of a word everyone already knows the meaning of, or, if applicable, the “Title of the Book” you read and the Author’s Name (in which spelling errors probably won’t be noticed, so don’t sweat it). Try not to say anything too striking, or else you professor will have high expectations for the rest of your paper. Now, state your thesis. Make sure you really like your thesis, because from here on out, you have to restate it four times in every paragraph.
Like I said, the beginning of this first main paragraph must contain the thesis. Change a word or two with help from Thesaurus.com (don’t forget to cite your sources!). Then, provide some “quotes from the [text] and [make some of it] up if you [have to]” (don’t bother to make tense corrections). Lastly, explain how this quote relates, even though it’s pretty obvious how it relates.
When you’ve reached the conclusion, although you may not have provided the greatest evidence, all that matters is that you used the phrases “this relates to my thesis because…” or, “what this shows is that…” And of course, state your thesis again. Now, you can make your topic seem “fresh and exciting” and give your essay a good aftertaste! End, perhaps, with a question?
