Well, my loyal subjects, I have just completed Season Two of The Crown on Netflix, and, while I had my moments of thinking..."Hmmm...that would be nice" interspersed among the running subtext of "Philip is a douche," I believe that overall, I will remain a commoner. Here I will enumerate the pros and cons. You may reach a different conclusion than did I.
Pros:
- Breakfast in bed every morning (Personally, I get this regardless, because my husband is just that great, but, that's just me)
- A bell on the table to summon your servants to come kick people out when you are done with them. Okay, this is kick ass. WANT.
- It's kinda cool to have designers bring dresses to you (models and all) for you to choose what you want to wear to your next special occasion. This would be really cool if I actually ever went anywhere.
- This appears to be the one job where men actually have to listen to the woman and do what she says without an abundance of mansplaining, harassment, or refusal to respect her authority. WANT.
- Feeling some kinda way? Just pick a different castle for the day. We all need a pick me up sometimes.
- Husband getting on your nerves? Send him to another country for a few months. Afterall, absence makes the heart grow fonder...
- Flawless hair and makeup everyday if you want, because-staff to do it for you. Can't get blending quite right? No problem-bring in the professionals.
- No dish pan hands for you.
- My least favorite housework job (besides laundry, vacuuming, making beds, dishes, dusting...)? Cleaning the bathtub-hurts my back. Queens don't have to worry about this-it's literally SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB!
- Dog shit in the floor? Ring a bell-it will be taken care of, and NOT BY YOU!
- Don't feel like breastfeeding? Pretty sure that's someone else's job, too.
- Want to go on vacation? Pretty sure if you are the queen, you own property pretty much anywhere you would want to go. Because, who would want to go to the US, anyway? (Although, we're willing to negotiate the terms of our surrender at this point).
Cons
- Losing bobby pins from your hair is one thing. Saying, "Shit! Where'd I lay down that crown?" is a differnt matter altogether."
- I hate answering the phone. Having ticket holders tour your home is too much.
- Corgis are ugly.
- I hate tea.
- Castles have a shit pot of stairs, and I have bad knees.
- Sometimes a girl just wants to lie on the couch in her sweats, you know?
- They Royals appear to have way too little Netflix time in their schedule, but I could be wrong.
- Prince Philip is a douche.
- My religious views are a little less conventional than befits the head of the Anglican Church, so that could get awkward.
- No f*bombs on the Queens Facebook.
- How heavy is that crown, really (both literally and metaphorically)?
- Conspicuous consumption is just so passé.
This is not me.
