It's been 12 days since I graduated and I probably listened to Jeff Rosenstock's album Worry about thirty-five times now. I've been caught up on song lyrics that force me to go back and listen to the whole song, over and over again. It's an addiction, or in a less pretentious way of saying it, I just always get songs stuck in my head. I always get caught up in song lyrics that force me to go back and listen to more songs and more songs and then the whole album. I keep getting up in words that have something to do with nostalgia or "the good ol' days." The first week, I was into the line "And when it all fell down, I should have been prepared. They spent the last five years saying, come on, come on get out of here." This line made me think of growing up and college; Always being told what wouldn't work or what would work and etc. but the one that currently keeps me up is "Staring out the window of your old apartment, imagining the old you stumbling through." These lines just sum up my feeling of college and how I just wish I can return back to the days where I could crash on a friend's couch and enjoy whatever event our small-college brains could make up.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

This isn't new, though. Getting tangled up in Jeff Rosenstock's words over and over again. Treating them like a mirror to my own life, being able to point out all the current flaws and how the past flaws probably weren't so bad. No, this isn't the first time I dealt with relating to Rosenstock, but that's the thing, it's a familiar sting. Every time I related to his work, I found myself dancing with an existential crisis. Senior year, it was dealing with the future and thinking about friends who I may never see again...This time, it's just thinking about college and how I may never live up to my potential.

I wouldn't say if I was the common post-graduate because everyone had their plans after college. Some had a job lined up for them or were planning on how to get into grad school immediately. Some had plans to travel to some foreign place I wouldn't dare to travel to, due to language barriers and my fear of airplanes. My plan was to just relax. Binge on video games I wasn't able to play during my last semester and just catch up on sleep. It was great for a bit, but after my graduation money ran out (splurged but not really splurged but kinda did splurge) and my self-worth reached a low that not even the most enthusiastic booty could reach, I knew it was time to start searching for a job.

I was, or currently am, in limbo. I'm trying to find a job in retail for some quick cash and good times, but I am also trying to find a job that I can start a career in, but there was a problem. I graduated with a literature degree. I knew it was a "mistake" when I decided to become a literature major as soon as I changed into one. Did I regret becoming one? Nope. I was basically born with the love for story-telling and on the day I changed from undecided to lit major I knew that this was the thing I wanted to do. To do something with creativity. Unfortunately, the world doesn't have much space for that, at least space that'd pay me for shouting out insane ideas. I live North Jersey and thought I'd find something close to New York. Something in journalism. Something in public relations. Just..something that didn't require experience.

"But careers don't have to be built immediately" is what I whisper as I sip my coffee silently to myself at four in the morning. My main worry is to find a job now so I can sustain that independence I so yearn for; don't take the ability to get out of the house and do whatever you want so lightly. I beg for the day I can just go outside and grab a cup of coffee. walking around without worrying about hunger (yes, I do remember the graduation money...yes I am an idiot for splurging, I know.). So alongside my search for careers, I started looking for just jobs. I avoided the 9-dollar-an-hour jobs, just for now. I graduated from college and thought I can do better than that. "I have a degree, God dammit, I'm above the minimum wage, right?" and also don't think I can survive off of that paycheck whilst paying off my debt; but the quiet phone and empty emails said otherwise. Not even after revamping my resume, which took me days and pots on pots of coffee, saved me from the post-grad poverty. According to my mom who's been working in retail, people with bachelor degrees scare employers off because they know we're looking for better jobs; that our stay is temporary. Ultimately meaning that I'm pretty screwed.

I did get one interview from this one company that I never heard of. It was at four in the morning where I found an email that was hidden amongst the "Democratic.com" and "Change.org" emails. The company urged me to pick a time slot so I could come in for an interview. I applied and pursued this job for the sheer fact that the title consisted of PR and communications. In summary, I learned to never take a job that says "NO EXPERIENCE!!" and uses the method of 15 min interviews to determine if you're a trustworthy employee.

This is what it's been for 13 days, job searching and wallowing in despair, scared that I won't amount to anything and just end up being just another typical person from my city with an okay job. I can't help but think about my experience in college and the gullible ideas of what I wanted to be. I came up with script-writer, to journalist, to just someone who wants to do something comfortable and go on from there. But these past few days showed me that even being comfortable is something I have to work for. Granted, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't think it would be this hard. It's been so difficult that I've questioned everything and asked myself if it was all just a waste. Maybe it was, but it doesn't mean I'm going to quit after just two weeks.

This seems like just a simple rant and I didn't mean for it to be that way. I wanted this to be an article that just meant "you aren't alone." I wanted this article to find someone like me and I want it to hook because I wanted to do as much as I can with as little as I can. Of course writing this will help me improve my writing skills but most of all I wanted to just help someone, because who knows. Maybe I can hit some recent grads and give them the power to continue searching for a job that is a step up from "just okay."