Dear People Magazine

I am writing about a revelation I had while high on peyote. The World's Sexiest Man should be the same person every year until they change their appearance. You can't have a new sexiest man every year as it's disingenuous to the past sexy men. Furthermore how on Earth do some people win it twice? That makes no sense. Did they become less sexy until years later? How does one become sexier? What are the parameters of sexy so women will like you? Please answer that last question for my friend who wants to know. I get that some may fade and others may shine but there should still be some consistency. Also Blake Shelton? Blake "Honeybee" Shelton?! BLAKE "THE SNAKE" SHELTON?!? That throws all your years of sexy men ranking authority out the window. You were once a staple of the sexy men ranking establishment but even BuzzFeed wouldn't have the gall to put Blake "Hayride" Shelton even top 40. Furthermore, why are they always celebrities. Where are all the average firemen and gigolos? I bet you could find a really sexy gigolo (you can do an article about the worlds best gigolo just quote me). I see your point of view that a famous face sells but have some journalistic integrity. Remember where you came from. You're the titans of the industry that wrote revelatory articles such as"Cole Sprouse Trolls Lili Reinhart After She Posts His Shirtless Pic, See the Cute Exchange" and have a whole tab on their website just for Gwyneth Paltrow. That's the hard-hitting stuff that really snorts my glue. I'm sorry for coming on hard but I am deeply, deeply affected by this and I hope you take my complaints with sincerity. Yass queen and all that.

Sincerely's Ellis