A few years ago, my anxiety became more visible as it grew in a fashion that tried to take over every new day. It wasn’t just the anxiousness of waiting for the upcoming event in my life or being afraid to take a new step; in contrast, I noticed the rise of a social anxiety along with the generalized disorder. Social anxiety made me feel different from others – less good than them in everything I tried to accomplish. Let’s save this story of anxiety for another day though because I am slowly beginning to accept who I am and how strong I can be. How? By working out. I stay active because I owe it my body, my mind, and my soul.
I have stayed active with various sports and activities throughout my life; however, I have gained a new perspective of myself as I joined the YMCA and began to work out for myself. I’m not even 100lbs and barely 5’0 so people consider me quite “tiny.” I have gotten comments from both sides of the spectrum:
- “Because you’re not as tall and quit soccer, I can see you’ve put on some weight…”
- “I don’t understand why you work out… you barely weigh anything.”
Let’s get one thing straight: I don't work out for anyone but myself. This doesn’t mean that I do it just because I have time. I have a routine, a set goal for myself and I push myself to become stronger than the person I was yesterday. I work out because I know that I am not as tough as I can be, both mentally and physically. You may see me as the girl who is obsessed with going to run and lift even though I’m already tiny; nonetheless, I will train harder and eat cleaner. I know my weaknesses and now I know my strengths. Why? I have lost before as I let life control me inside and out. The infirmity of my body led to the weakness of my mental health. When am I at my H.I.I.T class or hiking up the various trails, I smile because I know that I am in control. My body is capable of more than I had ever imagined; furthermore, that difference I felt between other people and myself is real. Now I know that the difference is powerful because it pushed me to find my uniqueness and believe in what I could accomplish, whether I am running four miles or meditating on my yoga mat.
Before yoga became about the yoga pants and seeing who can be more flexible, the goal of yoga was much more:
"The goal is to create space where you were once stuck. To unveil the layers of protection you’ve built around your heart. To appreciate your body and become aware of the mind and the noise it creates."
----Most importantly: The goal is to make peace with who you are. The goal is to love, well… You.
Often I have had people tell me that I need to gain weight because I look too skinny all of a sudden. Sometimes people will say that I must have been eating more because the love handles were existent. My weight doesn’t affect my personality, hobbies, goals or achievements. I work out because I feel confident. It’s about feeling radiance and zest. So much in my life feels difficult, but when I am in the gym, out in the breezy air or climbing that mountain, just for a moment, I feel unstoppable.
