Advice For Dealing With A Breakup

Advice For Dealing With A Breakup

How to learn to let go.
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Moving on after a breakup is one of the hardest situations to experience. Breakups are messy, complicated and emotional, whether you are the person ending the relationship or the one being broken up with. Ultimately, you lose someone who was one of your closest friends, and that loss can trigger feelings of anger, depression, and loneliness.

The rational part of you recognizes that the pain is temporary, but when you're crying on your floor at 2 a.m., wrapping your arms around your chest because it feels like your heart is splintering into pieces, it seems like the pain is never going to end. It becomes hard to breathe. Every little thing reminds you of what once was, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to pull yourself together again.

In our lives, we all have experienced some sort of loss similar to a breakup, and it's important to recognize that, no matter how dark and impossible it may seem in the moment, with time, it will get better. For anyone going through a tough situation like this, here are some of my favorite quotes and advice:

"You don't have to forget who that person was to you, only accept that they aren't that person anymore."

People change. That's life. A lot of times, after breakups, people begin to resent the individual they used to care so much for. Don't let the messiness of the breakup and resulting tension contaminate the memories you have of your relationship. Although your ex may treat you a differently now, you will always have those past memories and experiences; treasure those and recognize that although they may have changed, that doesn't change what you once shared.

"Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you need them back in your life. Missing is just a part of moving on."

Relationships are meaningful. When someone has such a profound impact on your life, coping with their loss is no easy task. You can miss someone with every fiber of your being, yet still recognize you are better off without them in your life. Allow yourself to grieve, and allow yourself to cry. Acknowledge your emotions and let yourself be sad. But also recognize that, with each passing day, you are one step closer to moving on—missing that person is just another step towards recovery.

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome."

One of the worst feelings is when you feel like you try so hard to move on, but, regardless of your actions, you feel stuck in a rut. Like a broken tape recorder, this is the only thing that you talk about, or think about. During times like this, it is important to look back at your prior struggles and difficulties and recognize how you pushed through them to become a stronger individual. Think of another situation where you felt like there was no way out, that it would never get better, and look at how far you have come since then. Recognize that this, too, shall pass—it's just going to take time to recover.

When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Moments like this can be incapacitating. When the emotions hit in full force and your heart feels like it has been replaced with a gaping black hole in your chest, it feels like you can't do anything. Faking a smile can be easy. The hardest part is being sincere with yourself, and recognizing that you are going through something difficult. You must actively make the decision to persevere, and trust that the little things are what will help you heal in the end. The most important thing to do in this situation is to never give up on yourself.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet little voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'"

In the moments when the pain is the worst, it’s hard to be level headed. Impulse decisions are often made during these times, which lead to even more heartache and regret later on. So, make a list of things to remember when you’re upset. Recognize that just because it’s over, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real—it just isn’t real anymore. Do not seek that person out. Your insecurities and fear are what urge you to reach out, not the best part of you. When this happens, reach out to a friend instead.

Most importantly, do not measure your worth by someone’s attitude toward you. Whether or not they react positively towards you or not is a reflection on them, not you. Spend time with people who appreciate you, and recognize that distance and time is what will heal you. This wound is a scab, and picking at it will only make you bleed again. Let it scab over and heal completely, even though you get urges to scratch it. Grow from the experience and allow it to change you for the better.


It’s sad that the relationship is over, but without endings, there wouldn’t be new beginnings. And sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.

Cover Image Credit: i.livescience.com

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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'Beautiful Boy' Is A Hurricane Of Emotions You DON'T Want To Miss

It will make you laugh, it will make you smile, it will make you think and it will make you cry.

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"There are moments that I look at him, this kid that I raised, who I thought I knew inside and out, and I wonder who he is. He's been doing all sorts of drugs, but he's addicted to Crystal Meth," the father pleads out.

The scene switches and shows the stressed out father staying up all night waiting for his son to come home, but unfortunately he doesn't. A wall filled with portraits of the father and his son appears on the camera and the words "BEAUTIFUL BOY" appear on the screen.

"Beautiful Boy" is a drama based on the true story of father and son, David and Nic Sheff.

David and Nic Sheff are portrayed by Steve Carell and Timothée Chalamet. The film grasps the heartbreaking reality of what it is like when one suffers from addiction. It shows the high points and it shows the very low points.

The film goes back and forth between David Sheff's memory of his son, Nic, when he was younger. When Nic was younger they had an unbreakable bond. They bonded over music and Nic told his father just about everything.

However, in his senior year of high school, that bond seemed to stray away when Nic hid the fact that he was doing drugs from his father.

In the film, Nic is put into rehab quite a few times, but unfortunately, he relapses. David learns that relapse is part of recovery. There comes a point in the film where Nic goes to live with his mother, after completing his rehabilitation program.

Nic is 14 months sober and goes to visit his dad, his step mom, and his siblings. When it was his time to go, he felt very sad to leave his family. On his way back to his mother's house, he got consumed by his sadness and he relapsed.

Just as the film is a rollercoaster ride, so is the battle with drug addiction. Some days are harder than others and "Beautiful Boy" demonstrated that all throughout the film.

The beauty of this film isn't only found in the riveting performances of the actors, but it is also found in the raw portrayal of drug addiction. This film shows that addiction is NOT a choice. This film shows that addiction is not a character flaw, but a disease. This film shows that the stigma around drug addiction needs to be eliminated.

This film is extremely important in this day and age. Deaths caused by drug overdoses are unfortunately sky-rocketing in the United States. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, over 700,000 people have died due to a drug overdose in the course of 18 years.

Addiction is a serious illness and when films like "Beautiful Boy" come out, they allow you to see the pain it causes — not only does the one suffering from addiction feel pain but so does their entire family.

"Beautiful Boy" is a hurricane of heavy emotions. It will make you laugh, it will make you smile, it will make you think and it will make you cry. It is a film that sheds light on an epidemic that many need to open their hearts and minds to.

Thank you to Steve Carell and Timothée Chalamet for delivering such exceptional performances. Thank you to David and Nic Sheff for sharing your emotional and beautiful story with the whole world.

If you know anyone suffering from addiction, know that help is out there.

You can call Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357), where they will guide you and give you the help needed.

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