Advice For Dealing With A Breakup

Advice For Dealing With A Breakup

How to learn to let go.

Moving on after a breakup is one of the hardest situations to experience. Breakups are messy, complicated and emotional, whether you are the person ending the relationship or the one being broken up with. Ultimately, you lose someone who was one of your closest friends, and that loss can trigger feelings of anger, depression, and loneliness.

The rational part of you recognizes that the pain is temporary, but when you're crying on your floor at 2 a.m., wrapping your arms around your chest because it feels like your heart is splintering into pieces, it seems like the pain is never going to end. It becomes hard to breathe. Every little thing reminds you of what once was, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to pull yourself together again.

In our lives, we all have experienced some sort of loss similar to a breakup, and it's important to recognize that, no matter how dark and impossible it may seem in the moment, with time, it will get better. For anyone going through a tough situation like this, here are some of my favorite quotes and advice:

"You don't have to forget who that person was to you, only accept that they aren't that person anymore."

People change. That's life. A lot of times, after breakups, people begin to resent the individual they used to care so much for. Don't let the messiness of the breakup and resulting tension contaminate the memories you have of your relationship. Although your ex may treat you a differently now, you will always have those past memories and experiences; treasure those and recognize that although they may have changed, that doesn't change what you once shared.

"Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you need them back in your life. Missing is just a part of moving on."

Relationships are meaningful. When someone has such a profound impact on your life, coping with their loss is no easy task. You can miss someone with every fiber of your being, yet still recognize you are better off without them in your life. Allow yourself to grieve, and allow yourself to cry. Acknowledge your emotions and let yourself be sad. But also recognize that, with each passing day, you are one step closer to moving on—missing that person is just another step towards recovery.

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome."

One of the worst feelings is when you feel like you try so hard to move on, but, regardless of your actions, you feel stuck in a rut. Like a broken tape recorder, this is the only thing that you talk about, or think about. During times like this, it is important to look back at your prior struggles and difficulties and recognize how you pushed through them to become a stronger individual. Think of another situation where you felt like there was no way out, that it would never get better, and look at how far you have come since then. Recognize that this, too, shall pass—it's just going to take time to recover.

When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Moments like this can be incapacitating. When the emotions hit in full force and your heart feels like it has been replaced with a gaping black hole in your chest, it feels like you can't do anything. Faking a smile can be easy. The hardest part is being sincere with yourself, and recognizing that you are going through something difficult. You must actively make the decision to persevere, and trust that the little things are what will help you heal in the end. The most important thing to do in this situation is to never give up on yourself.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet little voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'"

In the moments when the pain is the worst, it’s hard to be level headed. Impulse decisions are often made during these times, which lead to even more heartache and regret later on. So, make a list of things to remember when you’re upset. Recognize that just because it’s over, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real—it just isn’t real anymore. Do not seek that person out. Your insecurities and fear are what urge you to reach out, not the best part of you. When this happens, reach out to a friend instead.

Most importantly, do not measure your worth by someone’s attitude toward you. Whether or not they react positively towards you or not is a reflection on them, not you. Spend time with people who appreciate you, and recognize that distance and time is what will heal you. This wound is a scab, and picking at it will only make you bleed again. Let it scab over and heal completely, even though you get urges to scratch it. Grow from the experience and allow it to change you for the better.

It’s sad that the relationship is over, but without endings, there wouldn’t be new beginnings. And sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.

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I Blame My Dad For My High Expectations

Dad, it's all your fault.

I always tell my dad that no matter who I date, he's always my number one guy. Sometimes I say it as more of a routine thing. However, the meaning behind it is all too real. For as long as I can remember my dad has been my one true love, and it's going to be hard to find someone who can top him.

My dad loves me when I am difficult. He knows how to keep the perfect distance on the days when I'm in a mood, how to hold me on the days that are tough, and how to stand by me on the days that are good.

He listens to me rant for hours over people, my days at school, or the episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' I watched that night and never once loses interest.

He picks on me about my hair, outfit, shoes, and everything else after spending hours to get ready only to end by telling me, “You look good." And I know he means it.

He holds the door for me, carries my bags for me, and always buys my food. He goes out of his way to make me smile when he sees that I'm upset. He calls me randomly during the day to see how I'm doing and how my day is going and drops everything to answer the phone when I call.

When it comes to other people, my dad has a heart of gold. He will do anything for anyone, even his worst enemy. He will smile at strangers and compliment people he barely knows. He will strike up a conversation with anyone, even if it means going way out of his way, and he will always put himself last.

My dad also knows when to give tough love. He knows how to make me respect him without having to ask for it or enforce it. He knows how to make me want to be a better person just to make him proud. He has molded me into who I am today without ever pushing me too hard. He knew the exact times I needed to be reminded who I was.

Dad, you have my respect, trust, but most of all my heart. You have impacted my life most of all, and for that, I can never repay you. Without you, I wouldn't know what I to look for when I finally begin to search for who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but it might take some time to find someone who measures up to you.

To my future husband, I'm sorry. You have some huge shoes to fill, and most of all, I hope you can cook.

Cover Image Credit: Logan Photography

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Food And I Will Have A Different Relationship After March 21st.

My bariatric surgery is just around the corner and so is a new me.


Some People may already know, and to others, it will come as a surprise. Two days from the day of my writing this article I will go under the knife of a very skilled surgeon to have a Gastric Sleeve procedure done.

It has been eleven long months since I started this journey to a healthier me and very soon it will finally be a reality. I'm nervous, even if this the third time that I will be under the knife. I'm scared a little too, and that's completely normal, but it's definitely worth the risk to stop the trauma I've caused to my body over the years.

What was it like, you might ask. To begin with, it was just a thought, and now it's very much real. I went through months of prep work. Seeing every kind of doctor necessary to get cleared for the surgery.

My doctor gave me a list of things to do each month working up to my surgery. It was only supposed to take seven months, but due to some bumps along the road, it has taken nearly a year to get approved.

It's a complete lifestyle change and in a way saying goodbye to a part of myself and letting a new me take over. Food can most certainly be an addiction.

In my case food took the place of an addiction to prescription drugs. It's like trading. But one is just as bad as the other. Drugs may kill you quicker, but with food, it's a slow painful crawl to death that I have no intention of taking any time soon.

I'm ready to take the leap and get on track to a healthier me. It might be a challenge, but I've dealt with more difficult things in life. The only constant is change, right? And this will be a change for the better. I have things to live for.

Plenty of people say that it's ok to be plus sized and big is beautiful. Personally, as a plus sized girl I find my body disgusting, not only that but the pain that is ever present. Feeling like an old person every morning you wake up because it hurts to get out of bed.

The joint pain and aching muscles and constantly being tired. Food just isn't worth it anymore. It's no way to live one's life. It's like being trapped. You may want to do things but your body physically can't. You feel shameful because of your size and the things that people will say.

I'm not body positive, I'm overweight, and I know that it needs to change. In the coming months, I will feel like a whole new person and be able to do more with my family. My fiance had the procedure done a few months ago, and he's lost almost 70 pounds in four months. We decided to do this together because we want to get healthy together.

If you or someone you know is considering Bariatric Surgery here are a few things you should know:

-See a pulmonologist first. This part of the process takes the longest time.

-Start cutting out certain items as you go through the process (Soda, carbs, sugar, alcohol).

- Start some exercise, even if just walking around the block.

- Be prepared for the liquid diet. 12 days of liquid, 3 protein shakes and 2 yogurts a day. 2 days of clear liquid. This one is tough. I am just finishing up my first day of clear liquids, and I'd rather be back on the shakes and yogurt, but it's necessary.

- Listen to your doctor's orders.

I just thought of it sitting here, the next time I write I'll be a new me. Let the Pheonix rebirthing process begin!

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