waiting for the right time

my fingers trace invisible lines

I write the words I left unsaid

they hang in the air like ghosts

my hand passes through

an empty apology

stealing a glance at the clock

I choke on words

fish them out of my throat

lay them out on the table for you to see

writing words I want to keep

words I want to remember

across the skin of my hands

running out of room

I move to my arm

only so many words to explain

my feelings

I rearrange the letters on the table

and you smile

as the words become harder

to find, more painful

They begin to come out covered in blood

gagging, I try to keep

them within my body

avoiding the mess

I swallow.