Hi family, friends, and any human unfortunate enough to try to contact me:

Here's the thing. The first step in the recovery process is to admit that you have a problem, right? Well, I have a problem alright, and I'm sure you've all noticed. It's something that I have been struggling with since the age of 13 when I received my first cellphone. It's hard for me to admit, but it's gotten to the point where it has to be said.

I do not respond to your messages, like ever.

This problem of mine isn't quite the problem for me personally, but it's more of a problem for all of you guys. I'm sure it leaves you all feeling angry, frustrated, and annoyed with me. I'm 900 percent sure that at some point in time I've left you all a little...

or internally thinking...

But I'd like you all to know that this is my fault, not yours. Normally, after a few times forgetting to text or message one of you back, I'd rattle off some silly excuse or tell you why I was ignoring you. It's gotten to the point where I've run out of excuses. Chances are I won't be messaging you back right away merely because it's who I am as a person.

I suck at texting back. I suck at maintaining healthy human contact with people. I suck at small talk. I just sorta suck. I get distracted easily, I lose track of time, and If I feel guilty that it's been too long since I've last replied, I'll most likely completely end our conversation there.

But I really am sorry!

I'm working on this little issue of mine, but in the meantime, here's a tip to deal with me or anybody else who unintentionally ignores you! Don't be afraid to double, or triple, maybe even quadruple text me! I promise I won't see that as annoying; I'll think of it as a little motivation to work on my inability to communicate with human beings.

Sorry again for being the worst person on the planet at texting back.

Side note: If I've been ignoring you for a few weeks, not just a few hours, I am most definitely doing that on purpose. I just have one question for you.

(just kidding)

(or am I?)