Baby steps are small victories. Clumsy advancements. Tiny miracles. They are not measured in feet or inches or width. They take form in sighs of relief, or a few more hours of sleep, or finding the courage to speak. Being in college, away from everything safe and familiar has taught me important lessons about baby steps and how to value them, and myself.
1. The first step is the hardest.
It is the clumsiest. It is the one you’re not even sure if you should take. It doesn’t seem significant because it doesn't change you, or the world. This is the step that feels like air. It can be a deep breath, a quiet room, or a long overdue nap. This is the step that you must take when you’re exhausted.
2. You won't realize when you take the second step.
It won't feel like air, but it’ll come to you like breathing. You’ll be sitting in class, or walking back to your dorm room, or ordering your Starbucks drink, mid-sentence, mouth open. Something will change. It’s like a switch. You suddenly realize nothing is set in stone, nothing is permanent. Nothing lasts forever. You let out a breath you didn't know you had been holding. You accept the fact that endpoints don't always stand far away and alone. Sometimes they appear out of nowhere. Sometimes you bump into them at the bus stop or fall headfirst for them at family-of-a-friend reunions. Sometimes you change your order.
3. This is the step that disappoints you.
It disappoints you because you’re trying too hard to assign its meaning. These steps are meant to be small. It's okay if they are mistakes. Its okay if you miss them. When you step too hard, or too fast, you’ll feel panic. You’ll be scared. The lesson here is trusting your feet to know when to stop; it’s ignoring your racing heart and trusting the way your body keeps you from falling. It is learning to appreciate your instinct. This step comes when you need to be reminded that the world will keep spinning if you slow down, and that's okay.
4. This is the step that surprises you.
It convinces you that you were right, for once! It is answering the question right. It is guessing at the theory of everything and somehow making sense. It is submitting your homework far before the deadline. It is waking up early enough. This is the step you have been chasing for a long time and when you finally have enough of the courage and strength to take it--you do so, with grace and balance. And then you keep walking.
5. This is the step that makes you brave.
Suddenly, it feels easy. You feel like you can walk, or run, or jump, or fly. You feel empowered. You feel brave enough to leap and are can assure yourself that even if you crumble, you are strong enough to rise. This is not the point. This step comes in the moments before this. In the last look you take, the last word you speak. The comments you delete. The person you let go of. The space you create in order to heal. This is the step that will make you feel as if you don’t need to look back, and you’re wrong.
If you can walk, walk. If you can run, run. If you can fly, fly. If you begin an adventure doing any one of these three, pride yourself on your will to begin at all. If you find yourself winded, or tired, or falling, remind yourself that it is okay to slow down.
We always come back to our baby steps. We take them everyday, in small moments, through small miracles. It is okay to take on your life in this way--not all of us are meant for great strides and wide wings.
