I'm A Woman — But No, I Don't Want Kids

I'm A Woman — But No, I Don't Want Kids

At least, not now. A lot of things need to happen before the thought enters my mind.
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For years, people have been calling me "crazy" for never wanting to have kids. I mean, that's supposed to be a woman's purpose in life, right? Absolutely not.

I honestly believe that having children would be my worst mistake and there are many reasons for that. (The first one being that I just really don't like screaming, kicking, and crying little beings always ruining things like a baseball game or a nice dinner. Not my thing.) However, the rest of my reasons are not personal preferences; they're things I cannot control.

1. Ignorance

I am not a straight, white male. I am a Hispanic, Indian, and German (though European immigrants don't count, right?) woman. I am a minority no matter how pale I get. There are people out there that HATE my ethnicity with a passion, and for what reason? I've seen the public staring at my family in turbans like they're terrorists. Considering viral videos, I'm sure there are some people that cringe when my family speaks Spanish in public. I would never let my child deal with ignorance like that.

2. Mental health? Taboo

I do not want my child suffering from an illness and not having the courage to tell someone about their struggles. These are the invisible diseases — so they say. I would not be able to tell if my child is hurting unless they tell me. I would hate not knowing there was anything wrong until it was too late because my child didn't want to be called a "nutjob" or be harassed at school, work, etc. Mental health is just as important as physical health and even affects physical health.

3. Sexuality and gender determine worth and rights

Come on, people. Just because a man falls in love with a man, that means he shouldn't have basic human rights like the rest of us? A transgender person cannot serve our country because they don't feel comfortable in their given body? Let's see you on the front lines, then. I really would like to know why someone's sexual preference determines their rights or ruins their image. If you fall in love with a male, that's great! Did you just fall in love with a female? Awesome! I hope she makes you happy. Love is love. What they do behind closed doors does not hurt you, them, or anyone else. Let's focus on bigger issues.

4. Societal pressures

There are many of these. Let's start with school. I'm good at school and, for that, I'm lucky. But this is not where I want to be; I have to be here. I want to live my life before I die, not work myself into a ball of stress, anxiety, and a lifetime of debt. I don't want to be in an office. I want to be exploring the world, its wonders, and learning about what I want rather than what a board of education thinks I need to know (Even though they haven't been in school for 50 years). I don't want my child feeling as trapped as I do.

Next, gender norms. I know that I shop in the boys' section and society frowns upon it, but, ladies: Tell me that your boyfriend's clothes aren't more comfortable. You can wear that comfort 24/7 if you just switch to the other side of the store. Amazing, right?

Marriage and children are next. That's yet another reason I'm writing this. I don't need a husband or children to live a full, happy life. I'll be happier without having to answer to someone til the day I die. I just want lots of dogs.

5. Is today the day?

Is today the day that my child gets abducted? Is it the day that my child just goes missing? When I wake up today and kiss my child goodbye before school, will it be the last time? Is today the day they get hit by a drunk driver while on their way home from work? There are constant worries. Today's society is not safe for anyone. People don't care about their own well-being, which, in turn, hurts other people. I will not let my child pay for others' mistakes. I will not let my child's last breath be in fear or looking down the barrel of a gun.

Until these issues get resolved, I never want to have a child. I do not want to put them through what we all have to go through in today's day and age.

Cover Image Credit: Momtastic.com

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A Letter To The Tomboy I Used To Be

To that girl with the baseball hat, board shorts, and grass stains, thank you.
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To the tomboy I used to be,

Thank you so much for making me the strong, beautiful, determined, and badass girl I am today. I am proud of who you've become. It is because of you that I can stand on my own two feet. It is because of you that I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

You were never easy to deal with. Mom and Dad had a lot to handle growing up. It was Dad who had to fight for you to be able to play boys' baseball. It was Mom who had to stand up to the boys that were mean to you for playing a boys' sport. It was both of them who had to cart you around to all of your games and practices, because playing one sport a season was just not enough. It was Mom who had to wash your clothes endless times, because the grass and dirt stains would never come out the first time. Don't ever forget who helped you become who you are.

Your attitude and thought process is very different from that of most girls. You grew up dealing with your problems through wrestling or fighting. Pettiness was not something you could deal with. Your anger came from losing a game, not drama with girls. You didn't understand why girls fought, or were so mean to each other, and to this day, you still don't understand it. You are different. You aren't like most girls by any means, which can be difficult for you, even now. You are so much tougher. You think differently. You are determined.

I love who you turned into. You are so strong; you handle everything with such passion and grit, that I can't help but thank you. Thank you for pushing yourself, and for not letting anything or anyone get in your way. The boys were mean sometimes, and the girls talked about you, but that never fazed you. That chip on your shoulder only made you strive even harder for greatness.

Thank you for making me unique. Thank you for making me extraordinary. Thank you for making me, me.


Love,

Amy

Cover Image Credit: tumblr

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The Internet’s Infatuation With 'Soft Boys' Needs To Stop

Quick, (before he ghosts you), let me know if this boy sounds familiar!

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You know he exists. Your girlfriends have told you whisperings. He's lurking nearby. It's…the softboy. The one who civilly slides into your DMs because he would love to hear your thoughts on philosophy, literature, or his vinyl collection.

Okay, sorry, backing up. In order to understand what a softboy is, you must know some history. Internet 101 is in session. No need to silence your cell.

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In the past few years, society has finally come up with a word for a male sl*t: a f*ckboy! In case you don't know this slang, a f*ckboy is a male who is strictly into sexual relationships facilitated by manipulation. You know, the kind of shallow guy who sends unprompted pictures of his genitals. He is typically seen with "his boys" because bros come before h*es. A f*ckboy will tell you that "you're not like the other girls"; this is supposed to be a compliment because he doesn't have any respect for other girls. Quick, (before he ghosts you), let me know if this boy sounds familiar!

Well, ladies and gents, we have a new monster on our hands. Or, rather, the same monster in a sheepskin disguise: the softboy!

The softboy Internet craze is a new trend, created as a seeming pendulum swing from the overt dirt-baggery of the infamous f*ckboy. Finally, American culture has a backlash against obvious jerks! …Only to be replaced by the same guy, but this time, in Doc Martins.

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They are imitations of the adorkable, lanky white boys of the month on Twitter such as Noah Centineo, Cole Sprouse, Timothee Chalamet, and Troye Sivan – the guys who are not afraid to express their feminine side in their emotional art. Young people adore them for their androgynous beauty and progressive sweetness. In turn, normal guys impersonate these famous people in hopes of receiving that same adoration from women.

However, what these imitators, these softboys, lack is the authenticity of the guys they're trying hard to look like. It's a façade to get in others' pants. He regurgitates whatever you want to hear and will use that to sleep with you before he moves on to "deal with his journey as a flaneur". Whether you're dealing with a f*ckboy or a softboy, they're both manipulating others based on what they think they like. And manipulation is wrong.

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Let me argue further, whereas an out-and-proud f*ckboy will wear a tank-top and listen to SoundCloud rappers, the softboy prefers a thrifted sweater while listening to indie music and calling all other tunes "trash". You know, because he is sensitive.

Whereas a f*ckboy half-jokes about being a meninist, the softboy respects women too much to pay for anything, ever. He calls himself a feminist, utilizing the label to his advantage. The softboy knows he's not going to make any girl swoon by being a total misogynist, so he plays the antithesis. But as soon as the situation gets ugly, he will show his real philosophy, with his patronizing voice calling you a derogatory name when something doesn't go his way.

Everything a softboy does is a ploy, (so convincing, that he may even believe these things about himself). He completes this performance to demonstrate to you that he's the good note in the noise. And that's why you have to be wary of him.

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