My great grandmother died about a month ago and it was the worse moment in my life thus far. I struggled with accepting it and still struggle now. I couldn't really talk about it because at this point everyone would say " she was in a better place" " she's no longer in pain" " she loved you". I didn't want to hear that; I wanted her back. If she loved me so much, why did she leave me here to feel like this? I cried so much I couldn't breathe. I felt my chest tightening up inside of me and I thought I was being selfish. I would do anything to have her back and take away the pain I was left to endure. Selfish, yes I know, but I miss her so much it kills me inside. So here are my thoughts that I wrote a few days after she left me as I laid awake not able to sleep. These words came to me:

My love couldn't keep you here
My tears cant bring you back
My heart is breaking without you
But that's my burden to bare.

You were called home
And are free of pain
While us down here
Are in tremendous pain

I wish I could bring you back
To see that smile again
I wish I had more time with you
I'm not ready to say goodbye again

I am lost without you
I want to give up and lose
I know that's not what you want
But I didn't want you to leave

I am known for being strong
And never giving up
But I'm at a point where I have to ask
What's the point

To bust my butt to get back on track
For another tragedy to knock me back
I know that's life but I cant deal anymore
I need a life break somewhere quiet and alone

I'm losing myself with every passing second
The person everyone knows and loves
Is disappearing and I don't know who is replacing her
I'm broken where's my white flag.

You're with granddaddy now.