I've been through hell and back when it comes to relationships. I put 110% of my self in everyone that I come into contact with whether it's in friendships or romantic relationships.
My last relationship even put me over the edge and into a psychiatric facility where I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder among my other diagnoses of social anxiety and depression stemming from the trauma I experienced growing up with most of them being about my intimate relationships with males.
Some of my symptoms of borderline personality disorder that I experience are antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk-taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint. My moods range from anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings or sadness. With my borderline personality disorder comes depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity or narcissism as well as thoughts of suicide. I partake in risky sexual behaviors in order to keep the guys in my life in order to quench my fear of abandonment. I'm scared what people leaving me and rejection will do to my moods on a daily basis.
I need someone to hold me on the bad days and cheer me on during my good days.
I need you to realize that I need you to hold my hand in large crowds and put your hand on my leg during family dinners to remind me that you'll always be there.
I'm going to need constant reassurance. I want you to be able to know from the change of my body language to my facial expressions when I may be stressed out or having a panic attack or depressive episode.
I need someone to help me get out of bed in the morning.
I need someone to help me explore my favorite parts of my self again by helping me reach my goals, taking me out on adventures, and encouraging me to sing those lyrics at the top of my lungs and to enjoy life and see things a little bit clearer.
I need someone to help me reconcile with my past with myself, to not set such high unreachable standards for myself to wear I burn out, to talk politics with me, to care about social justice issues, to always learn.
I need someone to watch the real housewives with me, to lay on the couch and watch Saturday Night Live with me, to watch the Today Show as we get ready for work together in the mornings.
I want a love so strong and goofy that our kids will want a love like ours when we grow up.
I want to travel the world with you.
I want to coach our kids in soccer together and cheer them on in the stands during games.
I want to raise dogs together in a two-story house in the suburbs with our two cars in the driveway where we switch off on who cooks dinner each night.
I want to raise our kids to have faith and raise them in the church.
I want to be able to disagree/argue yet be able to come up with a compromise soon after.
I want to make time for date nights even with busy schedules.
I want to be able to always have good and meaningful conversation together.
I want to be able to be liked by your family and you to be liked by mine.
I want a good relationship with your friends and you to be liked by my friends.
I want to cross off all of the things off each other's bucket lists together. I want to grow together and individually.
I need you to help me heal and show me pure and everlasting love and not hostile, toxic, I'm eventually going to leave love.
A girl most don't know how to handle