One of the testaments of adulthood is putting together the greatest possible resume, one that's mostly true, but still sounds like you've accomplished things that make you a god among men. There's a very fine line between padding your resume and things sounding absolutely fake, but you have to stand out somehow, right?

It just seems like there's so many things I can't put on my resume, rather than the things I can put on it. There's so much more to me for future employers to know than just my entry level positions. At the end of the day, the experience you bring to the workplace is part your former job descriptions and part who you are as a human being. I was told that "Works well with others as long as I've eaten" doesn't look too good on a cover letter, but you know, it's an important aspect that a future employer might want to consider. Maybe one day my special skills will be resume appropriate, but until then, this list will remain in the works:

1. "Can quote every line of 'Mean Girls'"

2. "Master at cooking frozen pizzas"

3. "Excellent work ethic; will binge watch a season of a show on Netflix in a day"

4. "Can make a mean grilled cheese sandwich"

5. "Creates a lot of Instagram captions for friends in need"

6. "Has great patience with ignorant people and long Chipotle lines"

7. "Excellent dog petter"

8. "Has great diligence and will try to pet every dog she can"

9. "Versatile; can do most Kristen Wiig impersonations from 'Saturday Night Live' skits"

10. "Has a wide variety of memes ready for any occasion"

11. "Multi-faceted; can finagle two or more free samples from Costco at a time"