I spent all last week preparing for a vacation and had to spend less time than usual writing my Odyssey article. I ended up putting some ideas down about living in New Orleans and ended up with a short article that was decent but not my best work. After sharing it on Facebook, an old friend from high school left a comment with a brief critique saying my article lacked substance and an overall purpose. I agreed to some extent but still felt compelled to defend it, so I shot back a response. The conversation quickly soured; he interpreted my defense as offense and kept his arguments vague so it would not escalate, while I quickly became frustrated as I could not understand his issue with the article and became rude in my counterpoints. What could have been a learning experience and an interesting conversation became more like a bicker with others taking sides and both of us leaving feeling annoyed that the other did not understand or listen. So what went wrong?
This was not my first rodeo with internet debates, and not even close to my nastiest encounter. I have been posting on forums and image boards for the past 13 years and probably about half of those posts have been responding to a debate or an argument. I do not think this is because I am particularly argumentative or aggressive. It is the nature of these forums to spark discussion and healthy debate. Still many good-natured internet discussions devolve into both sides feeling defensive and snapping even if neither party intended offense, much more often than happens in face to face conversations. This is due to a number of factors: it is difficult to read tone in text, simple statements may be easily misinterpreted as you don't have cues from the other side of the discussion, and additionally people tend to be more aggressive than usual online.
Be very clear with your points and do not post anything you do not mean. Once a post is made there is little you can do to change what you said other than editing the text or explaining in other comments. If you misspeak in a post, the other person may post a comment responding to a point you never believed to begin with and your chances for having a clear discussion are out the window. It is always best to get your point across with as few individual comments as possible to reduce frustration from both sides and save time. It is a good idea to back up any facts with a relevant article. This is easy enough with Google if your point is correct; and if it is difficult to find articles, chances are you are not right anyway. Citing articles can also just flat out end an argument if it is convincing enough, while unsupported statements can be interpreted as opinion and dismissed.
Be careful with sarcasm and jokes. Sarcasm is great in person but can easily read as a literal statement in text form. This is such a problem online that many forums have come up with specific tools to denote an ironic statement, like Reddit's use of the fake html tag "/s" to show that sarcasm is ending, or Twitch chat's use of a specific emote named “kappa.” Jokes similarly can either seem flippant or just fail to actually be humorous to the other side and will just undermine the real point you are trying to make. It is best to just stick to straightforward statements unless you know the other person well and know they will understand your humor.
Do not forget you are talking to another human. I have probably had less than 10 encounters in real life that ended in threats or extreme insults, yet about half my internet arguments seem to end in the other person insulting my intelligence, competence and even attractiveness. I have developed a thick skin to insults and criticism due to the aggressive nature of many internet communities. I don't think I have ever had a discussion on 4chan that didn't involve being called a “n***r” , “f****t” or some combination of the two. A number of studies have shown that people are far more likely to be aggressive or offensive online, both in the form of anonymous internet “trolls” and as a general trend in all internet communication. I have known teachers that will not respond to any emails from parents because they are far more likely to say rude and aggressive things than they ever would in person. The best trick for keeping an internet debate civil is to never say anything you would not say face to face, if you can be civil in person you certainly can do it online.
Finally, be patient and try to understand the other side before responding. Because of the context that is lost online and the lack of visual or context clues in short posts, it can be easy to misunderstand what a poster is trying to say. I have found that it is always best to ask for clarification or supporting information before getting offended or accusing someone of being wrong. Similarly never assume the other person will understand what you mean, no matter how clear you think you are being it is never worth getting frustrated when someone misinterprets your point.
These rules will not save you from internet trolls and people who purposefully want to fight or get a rise out of you, but it will help you from fighting with your friends on Facebook or arguing with your parents in your weekly email. It is worth remembering that internet communication is not the best way to talk to someone and if you want to really see what someone thinks, just give them a call or save it until you can argue about it in person.
