Everyone has their first true love. Maybe it was your high school sweetheart or someone you met after high school, and maybe you married them but that is not always the case.

My high school relationship lasted about four years, it had its ups and downs but overall it was great. Some of my best memories are from those four years. It hurts now but I wouldn't change one bit of it for the world.

I thought I would marry him one day but life took us in two different directions. I can't say that it doesn't hurt because it does every day, but I know that we do not need to be together. We just simply were not good for each other.

At one time I was head over hills for him, then one day something changed between us.

We broke up.

My heart shattered. I cried, and just laid in bed missing him and wanting him to come back. I didn't know how to live life without him. He had been my everything for four years.

I laid there and just kept checking my phone, hoping he would text or call me. Every car I heard outside I wanted it to be his.

Time went on and it got a little easier day by day. But one thing never changed, I love him.

Sometimes I wonder if my love for him will ever go away, but then I sit back and remember everything that we have been through together and realize that it probably never will. He was my first true love.

Love is such a strong feeling. It can completely tear you down or build you up.

I am not in love with him anymore, I just know that I love him.

But the love I have for him is not strong enough for us to make a relationship work.

If you feel dumb for still loving someone.

Don't.

If you feel like you need to go back because you love them.

Don't.

Only go back if you are in love with them and you truly believe you can make it work. Do not sit there and hurt any more than you need to.

Yes, you will hurt without them but you are going to hurt more being with them trying to force a relationship to work. You can live without them.

Find yourself. If you are like me you lost yourself somewhere along the way, it may not be their fault, chances are it is your fault. You allowed yourself to change into something that you aren't. But now that you are free, do you. Go find who you truly are and do not ever let go of that person. They probably lost themselves along the way too.

There are going to be days that you want to go running back to them just to be in their arms again, but please do not do it. This is only going to hurt both of you even more when you wake up the next day and realize it isn't what you want. Stay strong.

Sometimes cutting them out of your life is the only way to stay strong and to not go back. It is okay to not talk to them. Unfortunately, I had to cut my ex out. There are days I want to call him and ask how he is doing but I know that I shouldn't.

I want to drive to him and scream I love you but I won't. I have found myself. I am living my life to the fullest not worrying about anything but myself. I have made so many friends this year that make it all hurt a little less.

BUT.

I miss laying in his arms.

I miss his kisses.

I miss his scent.

I miss his hugs.

I do not miss the pain.