It seems like now-a-days everyone around me is in some kind of relationship. Wether they're married, dating or just found someone they're interested in, it's like I'm the only one that's sitting on the sidelines. I can't tell you how many nights I've actually laid awake in bed just wondering why I was alone. For the longest time I thought that I was just picking the wrong people. Then I started to wonder if I was the reason why no relationship would work out, like maybe there was something about me I couldn't see and that was why I was by myself. I went through a phase where I was dead set on never getting married even though I wanted to so bad. I started looking at my failed relationships and the failed relationships of those in my family. I started to look at the divorces and loved ones who were being cheated on and I was like, "Nope. Marriage isn't worth it."
The longest relationship I've ever been in was my last one. That was a terrible relationship but it definitely opened my eyes. It was toxic and I stayed longer than I should. The longer I stayed, the more unhappy I became and every time I tried to get out, the harder it was; I stayed because I felt guilty. I was taken advantage of and I was in a relationship where I was waiting on him to grow up and be the man I wanted him to be. Spoiler: he never grew to be that man. When we broke up, I went on a couple of dates with different guys but none of them did anything for me. I told myself that dating was stupid and I wasn't going to do it anymore. Then, going against my own words, I started seeing one of my close guy friends. It seemed too good to be true at first but then I found myself back in the hole I worked so hard to get out of. I was back with someone new who couldn't grow up; I was waiting around again.
For the longest time, I've been the one who waits for people to grow up. I forget about my own happiness. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to hurt anyone so I keep giving chance after chance when I should put my foot down and say, "Enough." I let myself be hurt too many times by letting guys walk all over me and it sucked.
No more. I've had about all I can take. We all deserve someone who is going to treat us like royalty and be fully committed to us. We all deserve to know what it's like to be happy with that one special person.
My mom has been saying a lot recently, "There's no such thing as a perfect guy." She's right. No guy out there is perfect but there's one that is perfect for me. Despite all of the things I have been through in the past, I now refuse to take less than I deserve. I don't deserve to be taken advantage of, I don't deserve to wait on people to grow up, I deserve to be happy. Waiting sucks, and it's hard, but good things come to those to wait. I would much rather wait and be completely satisfied with the outcome than to settle and never have pure happiness. It's all about God's timing; his timing is perfect and everything that happens is a part of his plan.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
