I am not a rule breaker. I do not like bad boys. My pastime is watching rule breakers get punished in crime shows like "Law & Order" and "NCIS." But there is one rule I cannot abide by. One regulation that sends me into delinquency. A subheadline across the bottom. Six words telling me “Do not consume raw cookie dough.”
I don’t eat it for the thrill of the act. I certainly don’t eat it for nutrition. I eat it because I get tired of trying to pretend like I enjoy salad and Mio water. I eat it because I am a human garbage disposal. I eat it because it is ambrosia. I eat it because if I don’t get to live in the time of dogs living forever than I damn well will live in the time of consuming raw cookie dough and loving it. The big man upstairs put me on this earth a few key things: intense games of Catchphrase at family gatherings, spokesperson for sun screen and devotee of raw cookie dough.
Could I maybe get Salmonella or E. Coli or something from it? Yes. I could also get in a car accident every time I take my little tin can of a car on the cornfield lined roads of the great state of Indiana. But I choose not to live my life in fear with what if’s running through my head. And I choose to confront those possibilities head-on by driving to the grocery store for some cookie dough and 2% milk.
The consumption of raw cookie dough is a united ideal among us all in a time of great division. Trump is culturally appropriating Oompa Loompas, Hillary doesn’t understand e-mail, but cookie dough is a scrumptious treat for boys and girls of all ages and parties. The UK doesn’t want to be part of Europe, Europe is salty, but cookie dough is still there for when sweet little Switzerland needs a break from being the chill friend. Less politics, more pre-sliced squares so I can pretend I’m actually going to bake some of this.
I don’t remember a time when raw cookie dough was forbidden to me. Maybe I inherited my poor choices from my parents or maybe they raised me with the best ingredients available: love, milk, and cookie dough.
Even though I like to think I am a patient, understanding person, I do not understand how people patiently wait 10 minutes for cookies without eating some before hand. With raw cookie dough you can have your cake and eat it too.
The idea that I will stop eating raw cookie dough because the FDA tells me to is literally laughable. I actually laughed out loud when I saw the topic was trending on Twitter. Some of my fellow birdies agree with me.
