In today’s largely male dominated society, it can be controversial to consider yourself a feminist. I do not feel this way and I have no problem saying that. In true form, feminism is equal rights of genders. I firmly believe men and women were created equally, both with strengths and weaknesses, and neither should be treated with higher regard than the other. We both should be shown the same respect. If you do not believe this, this article may not make sense to you, and you should stop reading.
Flirtationship: A term which I will use to describe the nature of my relationship with this person who shall remain nameless. More than friends, less than dating. In September, He who shall not be named and I began our flirtationship, which was fairly short lived and ended when he decided he didn’t want a relationship and I moved on. It is currently April, and I am very happy with my current boyfriend, and haven’t so much as thought of this “flirtationship” in a very long time. On the hallowed 4/20 of all days, I receive a message from nameless boy. He claims to be lonely and in need of friends, aware that I am in a relationship, and seriously “just friends”. I agree to chat later that day over text. Things were fairly normal, we discussed music, movies, school, and work. And then he began to bring up our past and I politely asked him not to. Things were normal for about three seconds, and then he asked, “So, do you have feelings for me anymore?”
There is nothing wrong with being direct about how you feel about someone when you want to be in a relationship with them. However, you cannot completely disregard and disrespect someone else’s relationship. Do not mistake my kindness or willingness to speak with you after we have already established boundaries as interest. Do not mistake my boundaries as suggestions. Definitely do not think I will not immediately shut you down. I said no, that whatever he was thinking of ended a very long time ago and he needed to stop asking me about it. Oh boy was that the wrong answer. I am not allowed to put most of what he said in this article. Apparently not being into him anymore was the WORST possible thing I could do.
I recieved paragraph after paragraph of insults, very deep personal insults about things he knew I had been through, and reasons why I was the worst person in the world. Complaints about other girls who had turned him down. A threat that now he was off all personal relationships and it would be my fault, every negative name for a female you can imagine, and that he believed it was my fault we didn’t work out in the first place. I replied to say I would not be going out with him. BUT then… in a surprising turn of events…. He who shall not be named asked me to forget about everything he said and “start over”. When I didn’t reply after a few minutes the string of insults continued. I was baffled beyond what words can say. Naturally I learned my lesson and very quickly utilized the messenger block feature. After some contemplation and a lot of chocolate I realized that this kind of backlash happens to many young women. Simply turning someone down has led to things like what I experienced, as well as tragic events like assault and murder. I am not saying that this doesn’t happen to men. But I have seen it in larger volume and increasing severity towards women.
No means no. While in many cases we are conditioned to apologize for saying no, you should never apologize for refusing a date or relationship. Who we choose to spend our time with is a careful decision, one that we should not have to fear retaliation for making. Sadly, many young women face this fear. Nobody owns your body, mind, or time. It is so precious that selfish and immature people will get angry when you refuse to share it with them. The best advice I can give is to stand your ground, always. Stay safe, and report any threats made to you. Gentlemen, if you notice this jump in and help. The world doesn’t change unless we change it.
