It's one A.M. and I'm falling asleep, but I answer your call. You continually cancel on me, but I still make plans with you and get my hopes up. You break my heart over and over again and promise me each time will be different. You told me that you're over her, but here you are saying that you still love her.
As much as I may have wanted to be her at one point in my life, I will never be her.
You'll always go back to her. I don't know why, but I wish I would've realized sooner and saved myself the heartache.
I realize now that I was in a one-sided relationship. I cared about you and you manipulated me into believing that you cared too. You used me to boost your ego and to make yourself feel powerful. I gave you the power to destroy me and I sincerely regret that. You said "Jump!", I said, "How high?". You wanted me to give my entire self to you and you didn't even want to give me the simplest of things.
Loving someone who loves someone else, and being blind to the fact, is one of the most destructive romantic experiences I have ever had. It left me feeling empty and truly disappointed in myself. I was disappointed in myself because I felt like I should've known better or that I shouldn't have let my guard down. I should have known he was still in love with her, but I didn't.
Beating myself up for this experience is something that I shouldn't do and something that I have been working on. It was difficult to go through, but I have honestly learned so much from this experience.
In the end, I have come to realize that I will never be the girl that you love. I will never be the one you want. I will never be the girl that you think you need. I will never be anything more than a girl who wasted six months on empty promises. Maybe that isn't so bad.
You made me realize that I deserve better than you. I deserve someone who wants me all the time, not just when the woman he loves doesn't want him. I deserve someone who will call me any time during the day just to say "hello" or "I love you". I deserve someone who fills my life with joy and fulfills all of his promises. I deserve someone who loves me entirely for me.
I lowered my standards for you because I thought that I could be the girl you wanted, but I know now that will never happen.
