Why do I deserve to be treated like I'm nothing? What have I done to you? Was it because I was your friend when nobody else wanted you? Or was it because I treated you like you were the only person on this planet? Or was it because I'm loyal?

What did I do to be abused, cheated on, lied to, harmed, and left time and time again? I don't understand it. They always say you'll find the right person, the one who wont do these things to you, but not one has done less than two of the above to me. I guess that means the right person for me is still out there, I hope?

Let's be real, I can't be the only person who thinks these things. I'm just saying the things that run through my mind when I think about my past relationships. I try to convince myself that I'm not alone in this but when you think about it, who really vocalizes these things? Not anyone that I'm around. So I decided to write this. I guess I just feel like if I feel alone through this, I can get my feelings out and possibly help someone who feels the same way in the process. Just know you're not alone.

Living through these feelings is not something I want to remember, or ever go through again, but it seems like with each relationship that doesn't work out the more I feel this way. And it seems like the more I go through life the less friends I find myself having. There are very few true friends I have left, and maybe the people I used to think were my true friends never really were. Maybe that's a part of growing up, realizing that people you thought cared, don't.

Proving to myself that I can make it through life alone, even though having people around me would be great, is something I feel like I need to do. I need to know that no matter who I do or don't have, I can survive. I don't doubt myself but knowing something like this would make me feel better.

I constantly tell myself that life will screw you over time and time again, but if you are comfortable in yourself and know who you are you will make it through. Life is hard, but not impossible.

I am left constantly telling myself that I am enough. But time and time again I've been told and shown the opposite. I'm never enough, or at least that's how it feels. It's exhausting and even when I want to believe I am enough I have a hard time doing so because let's be real, does anyone ever feel like they are enough? That I really don't know the answer to, all I can say is for myself, I don't know if I will ever feel like I'm enough.

I hope I will feel like I'm enough one day, I hope I will find the right person for me, the one who makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine all of the time. I still have hope that this won't always be my life, however it's difficult for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel when all I've ever had in relationships is less than good.

However if you do feel this way, know that you aren't alone, because I also feel this way. I'm writing this because I feel alone about things like this, and I can't imagine that I'm the only one feeling like this, but maybe I am. But there is always hope for things to get better and look up in life.