To the girls who excluded me my entire life,
There were moments in my life that I truly doubted who I was because of you. Although we were considered "friends," I was always your toy. You mocked me and despised who I was but loved keeping me around because I was fun to laugh at. I used to think it was my fault that you were so mean to me. I thought maybe I was wearing the wrong clothes or watching the wrong TV shows and that's why you didn't like me. Maybe if I changed who I was, I would be the friend you wanted. However, through all your mean remarks, I continued to be myself. My personality remained unique and my own, which made you want to change me even more. My resistance to be your follower led to a lot of lonely Friday nights, wondering what it was like to be a part of the group.
Apparently I was "weird" and "poor." You would taunt me because I lived in a town house instead of a huge family home with a pool and garage. You also made fun of me because I got picked up from school instead of riding the bus home. Here's a fun fact for you, I stopped taking the bus because I couldn't be around you without crying or being anxious. At one point I couldn't hear your voice without breaking into a complete meltdown because I wanted the teasing to stop. Your presence made me so anxious and worried that I ran to any adult or parent I could find, to be as far away from you as possible. Oh, but trust me the horrors do not stop there.
As I got older I was judged on my appearance because I didn't wear Hollister clothes or show off a new pair of Uggs at the start of each school year. You would purposely coordinate sleepovers and trips to the mall when I had my back turned because I was "too annoying." I won't ever forget when you would straight tell me to my face that I was "ugly," "I hate you," and "weird." The icing on the cake was never experiencing a birthday party sleepover because out of the twelve "friends" I had, I was only invited to two of those birthday parties a year.
Do you remember when you kicked me out of the lunch table? I can close my eyes and still remember what the lunch room looked like as I ate lunch alone. You may not recall but I will never forget. Some days I was lucky to have a friend or two join me at lunch. Because of you few, who were brave enough to go against the crowd and "do the right thing," I will always know the value of true friendship. To the girls who completely ignored my existence and thought it was funny, I have a few strong words for you.
I will always be more than enough for those who value my being. After years of endless mocking I was able to find true friends who actually have a soul and a heart. You may have thought you were all powerful but you are lacking on one key aspect of life; compassion. You do not care about anyone but yourself and you will only go as far as your side comments will take you. Because I have been open minded and accepting, I have met thousands of beautiful souls. You will always judge another and be foolish for thinking everyone who isn't perfect is below you. I'll tell you what, anyone who isn't a follower, who is flawless and ever loving, is way above you and always will be.
That's where I am.
Xoxo
The ugly duckling
