We've all been in relationships that looked so good on paper, felt so right, but ultimately didn't work out. The reasons vary from person-to-person, from poor timing to poor compatibility. Nevertheless, we can always find ourselves looking back and wondering why or why not. Even if we successfully pinpoint the cause of the breakup, it usually provides us with very little closure. But here are some, explained.
"Ugh, he/she just had commitment issues"
I'm sure some of us have been in relationships that really should have taken off, but didn't even though things were seemingly perfect. And the next thing you know, your ex is engaged or in a committed relationship with his/her new significant other. WTF? Chances are, it wasn't you. A lot of the time, it's rarely ever the person that is the issue, but the timing. Sometimes the idea of commitment doesn't start to appeal to someone until much later when the idea has had the chance to sit at the back of their minds for a while.
I often use this example: You can find the perfect pair of running shoes to run a marathon - inclusive of the pressurized air technology and whatever fancy stuff Nike does with their shoes - and still not want to run. Odds are, you're only ever going to run that marathon when you feel like it, when the time is right, regardless of the pair of shoes. Because when you're finally ready, you'll make it work with whatever shoes you have, or the first pair that works.
"He/she was just too busy with school or work.."
School, career, family, a need to find the meaning of life - all of these things are common factors that can influence a person's decision to commit to a certain someone. I can't count the number of times I've heard about friends meeting some of the greatest people but not being able to commit or give them a second glance because there's something else in their lives that is just more pressing at the time. College apps, some old flame they're still hung up on, all of each as likely as the next. It's easy to say that if a person really likes you enough/if you're really worth it, he/she will find time for you. But realistically speaking, there are some things in life that are so time sensitive that it'll take precedence no matter what.
If you've been fixated on getting into the college of your dreams for a while or getting that dream job, it's going to take a lot more than you're bargaining for to let go for anyone. The same also applies for old flames. You can't rush the process.
"I think he/she was just using me to get over his/her ex,"
People often hear this like it's a bad thing. But is it really? There are feelings of being used to a certain extent, but that doesn't mean that the person was bad. Everyone needs help getting out a rut, and where there are romantic feelings involved, it's hard for anyone to make real, well-thought-through promises when they're already so vulnerable. It almost seems unfair to fault a person for saying things they shouldn't have said when they weren't in the right state of mind.
It sucks, but sometimes those are things we need to fish out for ourselves. Sometimes people make promises with genuine intentions not realizing that they don't quite have the capacity to honor them at the time. It's not really anyone's fault.
"I'm just not his/her type!"
It's only too easy to wonder why you weren't all of the things you needed to be to that special someone and beat yourself up for it. "Maybe if I were this or that, or this and that.." are all very familiar trains of thought.
But the thing is, people like all sorts of weird shit! Wondering why you aren't what they're looking for specifically is doing yourself a great disservice. If you can't understand why those characteristics appeal to that person enough that you're already practicing them, it will probably never make any sense to you. Anything anyone likes is always going to be unique to that person, and it doesn't mean they're right or wrong, neither does it mean that you're lesser than what they are looking for.
