Why You Shouldn't Chase After Love

Why You Shouldn't Chase After Love

This is for the people who either constantly chase after relationships, witness those that do, or know someone that does.
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I see people like this in relationships a lot, way more than I should. It's a tiring thing to watch and even more so to be a part of. Most people either know someone who has been through this, is currently going through it, or perhaps that person is you. But if you are “the chaser” in a relationship, you are someone who is putting much more effort into a relationship than their partners are, and aren't getting nearly what they deserve for it. Coming from someone who has experienced relationships like this many times, I have a message for you, the Chasers, to help you realize what took me too long to understand.

I was the kind of person that frequently subjected themselves to these kinds of relationships. Where I was always the person who was putting in all my time and effort and getting nothing back but frustration. It's not that I'm attracted to these types of relationships, but that I truly didn't think they were unhealthy. My tipping point was in my freshman year of college. I was with a boy who, by my standards, was perfect in every way. On all accounts, I was sold from the beginning. And initially, I had felt that the feeling was mutual. As the months wore on though, I found myself almost always starting conversations first, moving my schedule to times when he was “free”, and staying up late to talk to him because I didn't know when I'd talk to him next. I started picking up on some of these tendencies, and I asked him if he was truly interested in me or if I was only thinking he was. He would assure me that he really was into me but it just wasn't the right time for him. I was too afraid to actually confront him about it for a while because when I was hanging out with him, I would experience the connection that I so wanted to be there, and I told myself that I was just overexaggerating the whole thing and that maybe I was too clingy and he just wanted his space. But in the end, he was only going along with this because it benefitted him. I was just a convenience to him for when he felt lonely; a confidant who wouldn't leave him no matter what he did because I was convinced that the connection was actually there.

It took me 8 months to realize that he was just stringing me along the whole time, and I was crushed. What crushed me even more was how he let it go so easily. This thing that I had been putting all this effort into was suddenly dead. But this is exactly the unhealthy part when someone takes complete dominance of the relationship and only uses the other person when they want to. For the chasers in relationships, if you don't realize that this is an unhealthy tendency, you tend to hold onto those affections and the attention because that keeps the upsetting reality at bay. Those false actions are what keep these types of relationships alive: the emotional manipulation of one and the oversight of the other to not act on the unhealthy relationship.

I didn't act on it either until my best friend from back home had this conversation with me:

Her: “You see, you keep making all these excuses for him and defending him, and this only tells him that what he's doing is okay. Which it's not."

Me: “But what if I confront him about it and he doesn't come back? What if he ends it?”

Her: “Then fine! Why would you wanna to be with someone that doesn't want you? Why would you wanna be with someone like that anyway?”

This had been the same thing that other people had been telling me for over half a year. But for some reason, the way she said it snapped me back into reality and made me realize just how unhealthy the situation was.

This is the million dollar question that everyone who feels like they are chasing after a relationship needs to ask themselves. Why would you be with someone who doesn't truly care about you? Why would you put yourself through that? Relationships don't have to be stressful and frustrating all the time. Sure you are going to have ups and downs, but in the end, a relationship, friendship, or any of the like, should flow with each person putting in the same amount of effort. There's a point for making changes for your partner, but if you are always the person moving and adjusting for the other, that's not okay.

The simplest action you can do for yourself is, if the guy or girl that you are with plays with your feelings, walk away from them. When someone is truly interested in you, there will be no need for one person to do all the chasing. It's not healthy for someone in a relationship to do all the calling, texting, dating arrangements, etc., it's pretty obvious where you stand in that person's life. When someone really wants you, you won't have to chase after them like they are some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be their priority. These things are tough: tough to realize and tougher to act upon. But I assure you, those little things they are doing to keep you in are not worth the heartache if the situation is maintained.

If you are the person who is currently dealing with a situation like this, I assure you that you are worth much more than that person who is treating you this way sees you. If you take anything from this article, I just want you to know that you will never regret taking care of yourself first. You will never regret doing things for the benefit of your own health. You may be in this tough situation, but you don't need to stay in it. Be confident in yourself. Be bold in your self-worth. And know that no matter how others or the world may treat you, the best thing you can do is be kind to yourself.

You should live for yourself first. Emotionally manipulative people are a secondary character in your life. Do not allow someone to turn you into a secondary character in your own story.

Cover Image Credit: Live Wallpaper

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Why Girls Love The Dad Bod

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In case you haven't noticed lately, girls are all about that dad bod. Girls have been dealing with body image issues since the beginning of time until recent (for those of you who consider yourselves to be "Thick thin") I hadn't heard about this body type until my roommate mentioned it. She used to be crazy over guys she claimed had the dad bod. After observing the guys she found attractive, I came to understand this body type well and was able to identify it. The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, "I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time." It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either.

The dad bod is a new trend and fraternity boys everywhere seem to be rejoicing. Turns out skipping the gym for a few brews last Thursday after class turned out to be in their favor. While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive. Here are a few reasons that girls are crazy about the dad bod.

It doesn't intimidate us.
Few things are worse than taking a picture in a bathing suit, one being taking a picture in a bathing suit with a guy who is crazy fit. We don't want a guy that makes us feel insecure about our body. We are insecure enough as it is. We don't need a perfectly sculpted guy standing next to us to make us feel worse.

SEE ALSO: Slim Thick Is The New Thin

We like being the pretty one.

We love people saying "they look cute together." But we still like being the center of attention. We want to look skinny and the bigger the guy, the smaller we feel and the better we look next to you in a picture.

Better cuddling.
No one wants to cuddle with a rock. Or Edward Cullen. The end.

Good eats.
The dad bod says he doesn't meal prep every Sunday night so if you want to go to Taco Tuesday or $4 pitcher Wednesday, he'd be totally down. He's not scared of a cheat meal because he eats just about anything and everything.

You know what you're getting.
Girls tend to picture their future together with their guys early on. Therefore, if he already has the dad bod going on, we can get used to it before we date him, marry him, have three kids. We know what we are getting into when he's got the same exact body type at the age of 22 that he's going to have at 45.


So there you go. A simple break down of why girls everywhere are going nuts over this body type on males. We like it. We love it. We want some more of it. So here's to you dad bods, keep it up. Men, confidently strut that gut on the beach because while you stare at us in our bikinis we will be staring just as hard.

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Falling In Love Is Easy But Staying In Love Is Harder

You never see it coming and then unexpectedly, it all catches up, and you eventually realize that there is no turning back.
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Over the years that I have dated, I have fallen in love twice and stayed in love once.

The first time it happened, I was naive, emotional, and idealistic. However, in the end, I was left extraordinarily broken and unaware. For the most part, I spent a lot of time thinking about why things did not work out how we intended. It was easy until it was not.

The second time I fell in love was quite the opposite experience I went through the first time I fell in love. I was very cautious, skeptical, and built an emotional fortress for protection. Eventually, it all came crumbling down, brick by brick, until I was back to a familiar place. All that mattered was that he and I were happy and that everything felt right.

That is what falling in love is. It is a natural high, a rush of intense emotions -- anticipation, warmth, euphoria, and fear -- that takes you by force.

You never see it coming and then unexpectedly, it all catches up, and you eventually realize that there is no turning back. When you find yourself at that sweet spot, you think to yourself, "This is where I want to be. I want to stay right here forever."

As we fall in love, our affections effortlessly motivate us.

These feelings propel us to make some of the most irrational decisions or perform unexpected romantic tasks, like staying up all night talking on the phone despite having exams or an important task you have to do the next day or doing anything to spend a day with him or her.

Emotions, especially love, passion, and happiness are our strongest motivators because we will do anything to maintain them.

However, we often fail to realize that it never lasts. What goes up must come down and sometimes, it can last for a couple of months, and sometimes it can last for a couple of years.

We are often blinded by the illusion that everything good is infinite and invincible. Once you come down and reality sinks, it gets a little tricky.

When the feelings subside, we must work twice as hard to maintain and deepen the relationships.

The emotions become less intense until they stabilize into something that is just part of your everyday life. Without the intensity, the motivation eventually fades, and that is when things start to get comfortable.

Once you are in the comfort zone, the relationship either becomes stale and unappealing, or it evolves into a two-player team depending on what you do next. If you genuinely want to stay in love, choose love -- a choice build on the foundations of communication, acceptance, and selflessness.

It means being honest with your significant other while being true to yourself and understanding that compromises are the key to all healthy relationships. It means connecting and sometimes disconnecting, but always discussing your feelings without blame, assumptions, and insults so that you will never have to go to bed sad or angry.

It means knowing that your partner will make mistakes but always speaking before reacting so that the two of you can learn and grow from the experience. It means that even when you do not feel the love at any given moment, you do not give in to the short-term emotions and will instead behave and communicate with tenderness and patience. Share your vulnerabilities and consciously decide to forgive and move on.

In the end, the effort is in the decisions you make.

Deciding on anything is not easy because it requires consciousness and careful thought, whereas emotions can master you without your consent.

Choosing love is choosing selflessness and taking a much higher road -- a task that is not easily done as we are inherently in it for ourselves.

However, if we realize that temporary is easy but forever is hard, we will consistently work for the things and people who are worth fighting for while enjoying the magic and enhancement of all the is finite.

Cover Image Credit: Elizabeth Zamudio

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