A few years ago, I read a book about praying for your future husband. It was right in line with prayers that I had already begun to formulate, prayers for my future husband’s spiritual devotion to God. In fact, I began to start praying that my heart would be growing in such a way that I would be a mature spiritual partner for him. Recently, however, my perspective on praying for a future husband has changed.

This prayer feels less like an act of faith and more like reassurance to myself, that I will one day have a husabnd. It is a prayer defined more by yearning than by waiting. I have come to believe that this attitude is not one that places my trust fully in God. Rather, it is a prayer that expects something from God.

God does not guarantee marriage to each one of us. We have begun to expect it. While marriage is a wonderful desire, a steady reliance on God is far more crucial to our walk of faith. Looking back on the garden, when God was fully in control, beautiful events unfolded as a result. Since it was not good for man to be alone, God lovingly placed the woman in Eden and brought the two of them together.

Man was not the first to decide that he needed a mate. God was the initiator. The problem we have in our present day and age is that many of us assume that we will fall into this role. While a large number of believers decide to marry, the church is not without single people who likewise devote their lives to God. How do we know in this moment which path God has chosen for us? Should the people who hope to get married pray for the possibility of future spouses, while the ones who want to be single neglect to pray for theirs? Considering the fact that we have both the opportunity to marry as well as remain single, I say that it is not necessary to confine ourselves to one side of the coin.

Think about it this way. If you believe that God is sovereign over all events, then there is no need to devote your thoughts to possible future events. God has not yet promised these events to you for a reason: you can focus on the present and be fully engaged in the work at hand. You are not doing your future husband or wife a disservice by not praying for him or her. Instead, you are open to what God would have for you.

If we as a church pray for anything, we should simply pray for willing and obedient hearts. I think that the hardest part is how much we mean it. Are we truly willing to go wherever God would lead us? As a church, let’s begin to exemplify radical faith by praying in a way that truly surrenders all of our control to God.