Putting yourself first… A very hard concept for so many people in today’s culture. We always hear those quotes day after day that say “true love is putting someone else before yourself” or “God wants us to put others first” or even “the solution is selflessness” but what happens when we forget about us? What happens when we completely forget about ourselves and our well-being and trying to be happy because we are so set on making others happy? I know that it is great to see others smile because of something we did for them, trust me, I get that because I am a people-pleaser. When you love another person (whether it's your partner, a family member or friend), you often will prioritize thinking about their desires, needs, interests, proclivities and so on, right? This makes sense: we want to make those we love happy; we want to make them feel heard and understood. But it also isn’t healthy for us to constantly be putting ourselves second. Because, after all, if we are always worried about others than how can we ever really work on ourselves? Have you heard the saying, “You’ve got to fall in love with yourself first”? Well, if you haven’t you should turn it into your new mantra for life. I am telling you if you fall in love with who you are, your life will become abundant and opportunities will begin to unravel.
One of the main reasons I started to put myself first comes down to one word; progress. I was at a point in my life, probably about 6 months ago now, where I felt like I was plateauing. I felt like I hit my peak in everything; school, relationships, fitness, you name it, and I just wasn’t really loving myself as much as I knew I could. I wasn’t doing the things I loved to do anymore, and I realized it was all because I was worried about my peers, CONSTANTLY. I was worried about my roommates and what they were up to, or what my coaches thought of my practice that day, or what random people would think about me if I wore a tie-dye shirt because that is “sooo 70s”. And I realized I gave up so many things I liked because I was always so worried about helping others or about what they would think of me. Until finally I ran across the quote stated above, “You’ve got to fall in love with yourself first”. And I realized how true it is that you must love yourself before you can ever love your life or anyone in it. If you love yourself, and all your flaws, that is 100% confidence. And confidence radiates off onto all your peers surrounding you, it is poisonous (in a good way). The reality is that you cannot save anybody else. You cannot force the world to change. But you can change yourself and only you are in full control of that. You can heal yourself and pay attention to yourself and when you tend to your own physical/mental/emotional needs first, you place yourself in the position to be actually selfless. Not "selfless" as a means of receiving the support you need (which is what it ends up being, most of the time). "Putting yourself first" is not the same thing as "disregarding everybody else's needs”. I'm not sure how we arrived at the conclusion that these statements were in anyway similar. If you've ever actually tried to completely put someone else's needs before your own (no matter what) you have no doubt come to the realization that it's simply impossible to do without becoming spiteful and then actually disregarding everybody else's needs… In result the more you put yourself first, the more you bound to becoming a honest and genuine person who completely understands HOW and WHEN to serve others. Putting yourself first teaches how to treat others because you are treating yourself how you feel you deserve, which leads to more love. And if you learn to love yourself, you will know how to actually love other people.
Overall, when you are at your happiest, you are the most helpful person you can be to the world. We should all strive to be our happiest and do those things that make us happy, every day. Don’t feel guilty about being “selfish” sometimes, because you are going to be more able to show up for others when you start showing up for yourself and fixing yourself first. Don’t be nervous to say no to your friends once in awhile if it means you can have lunch alone and get homework done, or go to hot yoga and relax. Don’t be nervous to love yourself, because you matter and you are amazing.
