At some point in your life someone has probably given you the advice to “kill them with kindness” when someone isn’t being the most decent of human beings toward you. I deal with stressful people and situations all of the time and never understood the point of putting the energy into being nice to someone who couldn’t be nice to me. But that is just it; if I am going to put energy into something don’t I want it to be a positive thing? Why would I put energy toward being negative about something or toward someone else when I could put that same energy toward being a positive light in someone’s life? So, I decided that I would act nice to this person I was having an issue with, but that didn’t seem to be doing the trick. I still felt (and still feel) like this person has an issue with me despite how nice I was continuing to be to her. I took some time to think about something I could still be doing wrong or why there could still be tension between the two of. Then it hit me. Not only was this person not being kind, but I wasn’t either. I may have been acting with kindness, but I wasn’t truly being kind. I was saying all of the right things and acting in the right ways, but I was still thinking to myself “ I don’t like this person” and finding every way that I could judge their actions. I was using kindness as a manipulative tool and not as a genuine feeling. I
If you’re reading this chances are you too have been struggling with this issue. Maybe you are using your kindness to manipulate a situation or to appear like you are the better person in the situation. I strongly urge to think about if you are merely using your kind actions to get you through an interaction with this person, or if you are in your heart and soul being kind to them, and if you aren’t being authentic with your kindness to do so. I encourage you to instead of trying to be the better person in the situation to be a better person in general. Even if you begin to be genuinely kind toward someone and they still aren’t being kind in return, don’t worry about it. Be kind just to be kind. Be kind for yourself. Detach from the idea of them being a good person back to you. You will feel happier when you choose to be happier and to do the right thing. You can never know what someone else has going on in their life that makes them treat you with disrespect or hateful actions, but you know yourself, and your actions and feelings are the only ones you can control. Also, remember that that is one person who is choosing to not return this new genuine kindness you are sharing with them. There are a ton of other people on this planet who may decide to return that love and kindness and you will only be cheating yourself out of that returned love who you give up because of one “negative Nancy!” Chances are you will regret being mean to someone, but you will never regret being kind to anyone.
