We met when I was just beginning my freshman year at a new school. I was coming in blind- not knowing a single soul other than my sister. I was clueless on who was friends with who, which teachers were strict and which were relaxed. I was desperate for a friend, a group, a place where I felt welcomed and wanted. A place to belong.
My friend from grade school introduced us. She knew we both had the same interests and told me to seek you out. We met and immediately clicked- we loved the same shows, read the same books, had the same sense of humor. I dove headfirst into the friendship, and within a week, we were having sleepovers, texting whenever we couldn't speak aloud, and intertwining our lives.
Although we were close friends, I still had other best friends from my previous school- friends that I had known for years and had built deep, inseparable bonds with. This didn't sit well with you, me having other, closer friends. Especially the fact that I had a Best friend, a position that you were ambitiously trying to claim. In the beginning, it felt empowering to be so sought after. Overtime, though, our relationship began to morph into something far less empowering.
After two years of friendship, you stopped acting like a friend, even though that's what you swore you were. I couldn't help but feel as though you were perpetually angry with me. Everyday, your mood would be a surprise. Most days, however, you spoke at me with clipped, annoyed phrases, your body language swaddled in a veil of annoyance, resent. You were my best friend at school, though, and I didn't want to end a friendship that had gone on for so long, so I put up with it.
I felt as though you were my lifeline to all of the other friends I had made at school. You were the glue that held together my other, lesser friendships. You carefully steered me away from certain people and stole me away from the rest of my peers by telling me that I was disliked by the majority of my classmates. You isolated me with lies that took blows to my self esteem. The first turning point in our friendship occurred when I found out that in reality, you were the one speaking ill of me behind my back to my peers. Not only that, but you would deny all of it to my face and blame it on other people. I never truly trusted you after that.
The second major turning point in our friendship was when I started dating someone. All of a sudden, I had a new person to spend my time with, talk on the phone with, share my life with. You started spreading rumors about my relationship, even accused him of cheating on me and being a drug addict. It stunned me that our other friends didn't say or do anything to stop you from being so vindictive. This was my first cue to step away from our relationship.
By our last year of high school, I barely considered you a friend. I had done everything to indicate this except outright tell you. I slowly began to distance myself from you until all we shared was a table in English class, where I would respond to your remarks and anecdotes with single word answers and unenthusiastic laughter. Around this time, you began making last-ditch efforts at holding onto me. You would invite me out every weekend, send me long paragraphs detailing how much you loved and appreciated me, and finally started trying to seem like a friend again.
I don't remember the last time we spoke. I don't remember what our last interaction was like. One day, I just stopped speaking to you all together. I moved seats away from you in our only shared class, I removed you off of social media, and I tried to quietly and peacefully get on with the rest of my life. You, as expected, were shattered by this. You lashed out against me in many ways, but never again spoke to me.
I've heard that you still jump at any chance to speak badly about me, which makes me sad. After all this time, you still haven't found anything to be happy about in life. I wish you the best.
