We can't pretend like we don't all do it: whispering to your friend in class about the Instagram that the girl that you don't like posted, or talking to your friends about that "easy" girl, in your girlfriend's sorority.
Gossip is a natural thing for us to do as humans, especially when we have healthy social lives with a lot of people in the/m. Some gossip can actually be beneficial, like when we talk about others and the things they do in a positive or neutral way. It's when we start to say cruel things, that the gossip becomes unacceptable. While discussing this topic, I might add that gossip knows no gender, and boys will say mean things about girls and other boys just as frequently as any female would.
In almost any context, words like “ugly", “gross", or “weird", give off a negative connotation that nobody wants to be associated with. Mean gossiping usually does nothing productive. Often times the person being gossiped about will never even know that you associated them with these sorts of labels. Mean gossip is usually never a necessary part of a conversation, and it is often a useless addition.
Now that we've established the basics on what can be defined as mean gossip, and who can participate in said act, we can go on to look at what the mean gossip is successful in accomplishing. When you sit around with your friends and call someone ugly, you let others know you've defined beauty to a standard similar to yourself. When you refer to that girl you just met who you thought was too thin as being gross, you let those around you know that you yourself must be the opposite of gross. When you met the boy who didn't like to party, the one who dressed differently from all your crushes, and you called him weird, you're letting everyone know that you and your habits define normal. So what exactly is mean gossip successful at? Well if we look at it through the lenses of these questions, we can see that mean gossip is most successful at being a reflection of how we see ourselves.
If you take a step back and realize what vibes you give off to those around you when you talk badly about other people, it can actually be pretty scary. Your friends might laugh or nod in agreement when you call that random girl in Chipotle a “whale", but when I hear someone say something like this I want to grab them by the shoulders and just shake them. You make yourself look bad when you sit around and say these things, because saying them only makes you seem like you believe that you are superior to everyone else.
While confidence is always a good thing to have, being pompous and cocky is never attractive. When you mean gossip, you tell everyone who hears you that you care more about putting someone else down than taking that minute to reflect on what you could better about yourself. Not only that, but you create an image for yourself and in your mind about the way people should be, and the stress from having to keep up with your established standards can be overwhelming.
If you know you are the type of person to gossip about others in this way, next time think about what you are really getting out of saying what you were about to say. You probably won't find yourself getting the same sense of satisfaction when you come to realize the lose-lose situation that you're about to create. When we can teach ourselves not to speak about others in a mean way, it becomes easier to move on knowing that some things are better left unsaid.
