It inevitably feels uncomfortable to be stared at because there are a myriad of reasons as why one could be staring and of which the person being stared at does not get to know. They can include: judgment, appreciation, interest, reading a sign behind you, novelty, envy, muscular dystrophy of the eye, shock, he/she spacing out in your direction, and disgust.
Being stared at is an enlightening experience. I spent about two weeks traveling through Europe with my girlfriend Rachel this summer. In those two weeks, I/she/we were collectively stared at many more times than with which we were comfortable. This count does not include the glances, double takes, or stares that we didn’t notice. America’s politeness has certainly shielded me from the stares of people without a public filter. Even when Americans want to look, most look away. I found that in Europe people will hold a blatant stare until their eyes became too dry and forced them to blink.
Every time we encountered this I assumed they were staring because we are a gay couple. I left each country feeling frustrated about the lack of acceptance and hopeful about entering a new city with a less homophobic climate. Silenced by a language barrier and fear of causing a commotion, Rachel and I were forced to look past the stares. I carried my silence like a defeat until I met my flatmate and her boyfriend. The two of them are what many call a biracial couple. Why people feel the need to modify the noun couple with an adjective when they don’t modify the noun couple of a single race with the adjective mono, boggles me. But that is for another time.
My flatmate's boyfriend was telling me about how they are very often stared at in public. He said he truly thinks it is out of novelty. Seeing a biracial couple or gay couple is not as common as the converse of the two, thus it is eye catching. No differently than when one’s eye is drawn to a red dot in a grouping of yellow dots. He told me people are very open minded and its not that they are judging us it's simply that they are interested in looking at something they don’t see all the time.
Unfortunately one cannot know where the looks come from, but it is informative to observe the reason you provide yourself with when someone is staring at you. If you think your new glasses frames are doing wonders for your image, you might assume that is why someone is looking. If you suffer from body image issues, you might assume your body is drawing attention. If you are a part of a relationship that is a minority in society, or if you are a minority in society, you might assume disapproval.
Essentially why you’re being stared at is all in someone else’s head, so the reason you provide for the stares are all in your head. I assumed the stares were criticizing when I could have projected any other explanation. I created my own frustration when I could just have easily built my own confidence.
She thinks this is a sin.
No, she wants to be looked at the way Rachel looks at me.
He’s objectifying us.
No, he hopes his daughter can feel comfortable enough with herself to hold her girlfriend’s hand.
She think Rachel’s purple hair looks gay.
No, she’s just always wanted to dye her hair purple and envies Rachel’s confidence.
He thinks X.
No, he thinks Y.
The beauty of being stared at is you have no idea why. So ask yourself, why is that person staring at you?
