Growing up, it’s hard to avoid sex. It’s in nearly every TV show and movie. If not explicitly shown, the writer usually makes numerous jokes to fill in the awkward silences. The same goes for modern music, lyrics tainted with inappropriate images and derogatory words (I say this as Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” comes on my shuffled playlist). And don’t even get me started on the media: a boiling pot of all things sexual. So while there has never been a place to hide (apart from a bomb shelter free from Wi-Fi), I never thought it would be as big of a deal as it is. When it came to college, my only peek into just how sexual it could be was from older friends, and if we’re being completely honest, movies. It’s hard to really know what to expect in this situation.

After my first year, I have come to a conclusion: everyone cares more about what (or who) you’re doing more than you do. And this is where the dirtiest of words comes in: virginity. In my opinion, this word has one of the biggest stigmas nailed to its back. I mean, what exactly does it mean to be a “virgin?” To have a “V card” and to “lose it?” Sure, there’s a definition that is easily found under the V’s in the dictionary, but that certainly can’t be the only one. The term “virgin” is often paired in the mind with “pure,” in this case being a character trait. So if you aren’t a virgin, are you any less pure than someone who is? With the way sex is portrayed in the world, you would be hard pressed to answer that question with anything but “yes.” That means everyone loves virgins, right? Wrong.

How you live your life is one of the most personal things that I can think of, yet somehow people still manage to judge you. Honestly, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned of you don’t. To further quote Kacey Musgraves: “If you save yourself for marriage, you’re a bore / if you don’t save yourself for marriage, you’re a whor...rible person.” Seems really hard to win. But why does it matter SO much? I’m gonna let y’all in on a little secret: it shouldn’t and it doesn’t. I’m sick and tired of seeing people tear each other down for something so irrelevant. Here’s a tip (free of charge!): If it doesn’t directly affect you, you don’t need to worry about it. Specific to this instance, sex only really affects two people (traditionally), those participating, so if you aren’t one of those, you’re good! Whether an individual is “doing it” or not is totally their beeswax.

So here’s the nitty gritty, folks. It’s fine if someone likes to keep to themselves. It’s fine if someone is in a committed, nonsexual relationship. It’s fine if someone is in a committed, sexual relationship. It’s fine if someone is into casual sex, sex with more than one person, or heck, sex with someone of the same gender. Do you know why? Because that person isn’t you. Yes, it’s really that simple. You're welcome.

Let’s work together to de-stigmatize “virginity” (and the word “sex” in general) and just let everyone live the life that they so deserve.