Why 'The Notebook' Is Not Relationship Goals
Politics and Activism

Why 'The Notebook' Is Not Relationship Goals

Let's stop idolizing toxic relationships.

5047
Why 'The Notebook' Is Not Relationship Goals
Having Time

Imagine a man invades your personal space, asks you out, and you say no. He follows you and asks you again, twice. After three explicit “no”'s, he jumps on the ferris wheel you are on, asks you out three more times, again ignoring your disinterest, then threatens to kill himself unless you say you’ll date him. Just saying yes is not enough: unless you say the full sentence, “Yes, I want to go on a date with you!" he says he will jump off the wheel to certain death. I’d imagine most girls would be uncomfortable, if not horrified by this, and rightfully so. Yet this is the beginning of a movie often called the love story of our time.

The relationship between Allie and Noah in "The Notebook" only gets more problematic from there. The narrator says that they “rarely agree on anything” and “fought all the time.” During these fights, Allie physically hits and forcibly shoves Noah. They scream at each other. They call each other names. Noah calls her a “pain-in-the-ass” and says he’s “not afraid to hurt her feelings.” These arguments are minimized by Allie as “just a fight” and justified by being “crazy about each other.” Both excuses are eerily similar to the reasons why people stay in abusive or toxic relationships: the abuse becomes normalized and therefore minimized, and because they believe they are in love.

Yet, despite the disrespect, harassment, and manipulation that began the relationship and the emotionally and physically abusive behaviors of both Allie and Noah, this movie continues to top lists of the best romance movies of all time. Allie and Noah are often referred to as “relationship goals” and tweets like “Still waiting for my Noah Calhoun” seem to always be on my twitter feed.

It makes sense that people like "The Notebook:" movies are made to make the viewer feel a certain way, and the directors want the viewers to like Allie and Noah. The rain, the letters, and the passion they have for each other draw us in. But we should ask ourselves, if our friend was in this relationship would we feel the same way? If a friend said that their partner hits them, said they don’t value their feelings, or that they get in yelling fights every day, would we really look up to them and call it true love? Probably not. We’d probably tell them to leave.

The desire for excitement and passion in a relationship is completely understandable. However, too often movies like "The Notebook" wrap up a toxic relationship in a guise of passion and true love. Since movies like this help form people’s perception of what romantic relationships should be, glamorizing these unhealthy and abusive behavior stops being innocent entertainment and becomes a dangerous influence. So if we really want to have a fictional couple be our relationship goals, can we at least pick a better one?

*cough*Jim and Pam*cough*

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Caribbean is a place where people go for vacation, but if you set out from a cruise ship you miss out on all the beautiful culture. Their exotic beaches are nothing without their zinging food and hospitality. Locals in the Caribbean are warmhearted with a zest to live life to the fullest.

This is exactly where most of their words and phrases come from, having a good time. I definitely enjoyed myself living in the Caribbean, but it's not always about lounging. They get work done too and I've learned proper phrases for accomplishments.

Keep Reading... Show less

According to Urban Dictionary, a "simp" is defined as "a man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in the hopes of winning them over, without the female bringing anything to the table." There are many other definitions for a "simp," but basically it's shaming men who are kind to women without getting anything in return.

Let's just stop attacking nice men. Work out your own issues, don't project your shortcomings onto another man. What happened to the brotherhood? Y'all can lie for each other, but can't raise each other up? You guys can encourage murder, gang rape, and violence against women — or at least stay silent about it — but can't let your brother know it ain't cool when they bring you down for being nice to women with no expectation?

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Self-Love Is The Best Love, That's Just How It Is

Do you ever feel like you can't please everyone? Self-love will do the trick.

I've been feeling a little down lately, with the understanding that friends don't last forever and that I can't always please my parents. Life has been rough for everyone lately and it's not easy to stay happy and optimistic during these times. But I promise you, you are on this earth for a reason. You are here because God formed you, to love, and to be loved.

When things are tough, realize that you have yourself always. No one can take that away from you. You will always be you. No matter who you are, what you believe, or where you've been in life, at the end of the day, you are you. You can love you, therefore giving you one reason to stay here on this Earth.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Nobody Wants To Grieve, But That's The Price We Pay For Love

Grief never comes when you think it should. It comes when a certain song comes on or the sun shines through the window just right.

Death always seems to come when life is good and everything starts to be going alright. And then out of nowhere, you're reminded of how cruel life can be. The stages of grief don't always go in order, they come in waves or all at once. Grief never comes when you think it should. It comes when a certain song comes on or the sun shines through the window just right. I take comfort in the fact that everyone experiences grief, even when you feel all alone knowing that everyone goes through a process that helps a little bit.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What's Coming To And Leaving Netflix In August For Your Summer Viewing Pleasure

Just in time for another your end of summer binge-watch list.

Flower Films, Warner Bros, New Line Cinema

August is here, which means we will be losing some of our Netflix favorites but gaining some new ones. Here is a list of TV shows and movies we will be losing and gaining on Netflix during August.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Living With Bipolar Disorder Is An Everyday Battle, But I'm Fighting It

I went from depression, to anxiety, to bipolar disorder.

I've thought about how to write this since my diagnosis. I've thought about what kind of feelings it might bring up from my mom, former friends, and even myself. I've rewritten it a thousand times in my head, but never could quite get the words onto my notepad, but tonight I'm going to sit down and write it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

There's No Reason To Delay The 2020 Election Because Mail-In Votes Count Just The Same

Plus, Trump can't actually the delay the election even if he tried.

Donald Trump started Thursday out in a fury, taking to Twitter to suggest the 2020 election be delayed.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

I'm A Black, Gay Fashion Lover Who Grew Up In The South, And I Want To Be A Beacon For The Future

Giving your life story is never easy, but it can be, if you want to make a difference.

Jacorey Moon

Growing up in Georgia was not always the accepting place we know it to be today thanks to Atlanta. Let me preface this by saying, I had a pretty good life growing up. I was raised by a single mother who sacrificed so that I could live the life that I lived. I was spoiled rotten. One way that my mother spoiled me was through clothing.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These 10 Black Women Were Our 2000s Fashion Icons — We're Still Replicating Their Looks Now

We recollect on some of the Black stars who served as fashion icons during the 2000s.

When we talk about the 2000s, it's always filled with nostalgia. For most of us, we grew up during that era with the razr flip phones or sidekicks, and decade staple designers like Juicy Couture, Von Dutch, and Ed Hardy. It was time of daring fashion choices and red carpets that we now look back on and say, "what were they wearing?"

A sector of people that exemplifies the fashion icons who ruled the 2000s, were Black women. So, I feel as though it's my duty to shine light on these fashion icons. Here they are:

Keep Reading... Show less
Netflix

As a college student (really as a broke person with no cable,) Netflix is my go-to for solitude- style entertainment. My favorite types of shows to watch on Netflix by far, are dating shows.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments