I have always believed that kindness is one of the most crucial traits that a person could have. In a world that has been dimmed by apathy, I find that it doesn’t hurt to have a little extra compassion. Being a kind and understanding person is definitely worth it, but it also isn’t always easy.
It can be difficult to be kind when someone doesn’t deserve it. It hurts a little to forgive someone who isn’t sorry. Still, my belief has always been that it’s better to let go of things than walk around carrying the baggage of anger and resentment.
However, I also realized that there has to be a line.
If you’re anything like me, you might have a certain hatred for conflict. Being in an argument or having trouble with someone exhausts and stresses me out. In order to avoid conflict at all costs, I tried to be the most likable person I could possibly be.
I tried to appeal to all aspects of a person. I tried to invest myself to what they’re doing. I tried always listen to a person’s side of the story when they were upset. I tried being nice to people who weren’t so nice to me, and forgiving people who never offered an apology. I actually still do a lot of these things, not necessarily for myself, but for the sake of being a good person.
But I realized that always trying to be likable is a dishonest way of living. And an unfair one. I worried so vehemently over hearing the words, “I don’t like you,” that I tried to change myself to avoid it as much as possible. But how would I ever display my honest, genuine self if I worried over someone not liking it?
That is no way to live. In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, “It’s not your job to be likable, it’s your job to be yourself.” We can’t display the many facets of our personalities if we fear hurting someone’s feelings. We can’t stand our ground if we are afraid to offend. Most of all, we can’t live happily by trying to fit in a box that doesn’t suit us.
Furthermore, trying to avoid conflict by allowing repeat offenders to get by is not how respect is earned. Remember, “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” If someone doesn’t deserve your respect, don’t give it to them. You’d be surprised to know that is completely possible to be a good person without allowing others to step all over you.
The truth is, not everybody is going to like you. In the diverse world filled with multi-faceted individuals, someone, somewhere is going to find a reason to have a problem. These people can be irrelevant in your life, or they can even be the people you call friends. No matter who it is, what is important is learning to let go of those who don’t respect your individuality. It can be difficult to let friends go, but trying to hold on to someone who can’t accept you for who you are isn’t worth your time, anyways.
So, what I’ve learned is that life is too short to always be a people pleaser. At least without focusing on trying to please people who don’t deserve it, you could give more time to those that actually matter.
