I have officially decided to quit church. I had actually quit a while ago; I just never realized it. I guess I always figured I would go back someday. Not anymore.
Now, this may not sound like a big deal. Many people in the world don't go to church, or participate in any other kind of religious institution for that matter. But the thing is, I always did. I was that kid who grew up really Catholic. And when I say really Catholic, I mean REALLY Catholic. I went through the whole process. I was baptized as a scrunchy little baby. I received my first communion as a second grader in a pearly white dress and finally got to eat the stale bread they handed out every mass. I went to CCD every week, learned the "Our Father" prayer, and freaked out when I had to go through penance. I altar served regularly for 10 years, which meant I sat up on the altar with the priest and assisted with the tasks of the mass. For 10 years. I stayed in CCD up through 10th grade, when I was finally "confirmed" and became a full-fledged member of the Catholic Church. I attended church with my family every Sunday throughout high school.
But when I went away to college, I stopped going to church. It's funny how much a person can change in a matter of months and years. Once, in middle school, I misplaced my expensive calculator, so I prayed to the saint of lost things, Saint Anthony. Within the next 10 minutes, I found my calculator, which had fallen under my bed. I excitedly told all of my friends about this, for which I received plenty of little laughs and tired "Oh, Heather" comments. And while I admit that was a silly thing that I would probably never do again, it's little things like that which allow me to stay spiritual. In my dark times, and in my light times, I find strength in my belief in God and Jesus. So I am still, most definitely, a spiritual person.
But I no longer really want to be associated with the institution of the Roman Catholic Church. I still really like Pope Francis, and I think he is bringing the church in the right direction. But I think that the institution as a whole has a lot of catching up to do, and I'm sick of people justifying the limitation of rights with scriptures. It feels to me like the institution has just become so caught up in discriminatory stances. I, myself, have always believed in the legalization of gay marriage and the protection of reproductive rights for women.
And growing up, I was always very conflicted about the intersection of my religion and my social beliefs. But I now realize that I don't have to be. I can choose the beliefs that I choose to believe, not those that I was born into. I will always appreciate the church and everything it has done for me, but it is not for me anymore. I choose the spirituality and the gospel of Jesus, who told us to "love one another." I choose to love my fellow human beings and to believe in God and have faith in Him. I will always choose this, and I'm realizing now that even though I am not choosing religion, I can still choose faith.
