Hey there, it's been a while. I want to ask you how you're doing, what you've been up to these days. But for my sake, I'm not going to.

Here's why:

When you first left I really thought I couldn't be put back together again. I watched myself lay in pieces on my bedroom floor and my closest friends watched my tears hit the floor like rocks. I really thought I wouldn't be happy again. I genuinely thought that you leaving ruined any chance of happiness for the future. Until I decided that it didn't.

Days passed, months passed, even years passed and you still crossed my mind. I would see our old spot where we shared ice cream and laughs and think about where you might be now. And who you might be with. I missed you.

I would think about sitting at stop signs, and driving on dirt roads just to see the stars, I'd think about always ruining movies for you and falling asleep on the phone. I think about who you were and how we felt together and for a moment I missed you.

I still miss you. But it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because I know that if God wanted you in my life he would have kept you there. It doesn't matter because I know that if you really cared like you said you did you would still be here. It doesn't matter because I now have someone who treats me so much better than I could have possibly imagined.

And that person is me.

And while I miss you and even in really low points I even think about calling you and reminiscing on old times, I know that doesn't matter because you never loved me right. I lost myself loving you and I've found myself after missing you.

I would not be as strong as I am today without you. I would not know what I deserve without you. Because even though I've missed you, and I've missed what we had, and I've missed who we were back then, I've missed me more.