Five years ago today you asked me to be your girlfriend. The photos and posts from the past five years popped up on my Time Hop today and hit me like a freight train. But today is a day that reminds me that no matter how things ended, at one point things were good. It reminds me that the first time I met you, I knew that we could turn into something amazing.
Today usually would have been celebrated by a nice dinner, a bottle of wine, and maybe an exchange of gifts. But now, today is being celebrated by a pint of Ben and Jerry's, some Taylor Swift, and reliving those old happy memories. Now, I'm not usually one to dwell on the past; What's done is done, but today is one of those times when the memories just come flooding back without control and drown my mind to the point where it's all I can think about. The first thing I said to you, the first time you kissed me, when you first told me you loved me, the countless dates and nights spent laying on the couch watching The Notebook for the 50th time because you knew it was my favorite. These are the memories that make my chest tighten and my eyes start to burn, but I don't want today to be a sad day. I want today to be a time that I remember what we had, and thank God for putting you in my life and for the time I got to spend with you.
Sometimes, I think about what would have happened if we hadn't gotten in that fight, if you had decided to stay. I think about the plans we had for our future and all the times we stayed up late talking about our wedding and our dream house and our kid's names and how many dogs we would have. I think about how we would have to drive to 3 different states to spend Christmas with both of our families, but there's no one else I would want to drive those miles with. And sometimes, I wish that things hadn't ended. That I hadn't said the things I did, that we would have fought a little harder to make it work. And then I push that feeling down and tuck it away, because I know that what happened is for the best.
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and as far as I can tell, you are. I hope that things are working out for you, and that you are following your dreams. I want you to know that my life didn't stop because you left, no matter how many times I didn't want to get out of bed. My life went on, I am happy. I am following MY dreams. Even if I am sad about losing you sometimes, and though I wish things could go back to how they were, I am happy with how my life is turning out without you. That is something I never thought I would be able to say, but everyday I feel myself getting stronger and I feel the pain going away little by little.
If you had asked me 5 years ago today, what I would be doing right now, I wouldn't have said that I was reminiscing on the memories we had, I would have said that we were making more. Today reminded me how grateful I am that you were once in my life, but it also reminds me that I am fine without you. It reminds me that I am strong, that I survived when I didn't think life could go on, and that I can overcome anything with a little prayer, a lot of ice cream, and a few tears shed along the way.
So today, I want to say happy anniversary. Thank you for showing up in the church parking lot that day and thank you for talking to me. Thank you for texting me first and making the first move. Thank you for putting up with me for almost 5 years. Thank you for being everything I needed at that point in my life. Thank you for having the strength to walk away, stay away and not make this any harder than it already is. Thank you for living your life and for doing what makes you happy. There will always be a special place for you in my heart.
Your ex on our anniversary