I am a victim simply because I am a woman. I am aware of this label daily, and I have to adjust my actions accordingly. Wait. Did you catch that? I am constantly told that simply being the gender I am puts me in an “at-risk group," and I must adapt my own behavior in order to change that status. One more time for the people in the back: I am told that I am a victim, due to no fault of my own, yet I am somehow also responsible for changing it. This is the burden that society puts upon women everywhere.
I have attended a self-defense class. I carry pepper spray in my bag. I walk with a friend in crowded areas. I have been warned that my choice of clothing is too provocative. I am treated as a victim, therefore, I act like one.
On the other hand, men are also likely to take a defense class, but for sport, with considerably less focus on self-defense (e.g. martial arts, MMA, etc.). I have yet to meet a guy who regularly carries pepper spray or a taser, unless they're a police officer. Seeing a male walking alone doesn't cause anyone to bat an eyelash. Men can be shirtless, expose their nipples, and wear multiple kinds of spandex, without ever hearing the phrase "he's asking for it." As you can see, there’s some key differences between men and women that are occurring here.
Women are encouraged to act like victims. If I were to not take on the label society has so generously provided me, I run the risk of being accused of facilitating this type of assault. I am expected to alter my everyday behavior in order to avoid being blamed for a crime that was committed against me.
The current dominant ideology in society says that in a sexual assault, if someone decides that I am their property, or that they can violate me, or that my consent isn't important, everyone is allowed to blame me. My outfit was too tight, too low-cut, too short. I was giving the wrong impression. I was so nice and open, I was probably leading him on. I was drunk. These judgements are never said with malice, no, of course not. Society is just merely noticing that there's more the I could have done, right? No, no, just no.
Sexual assault is not the type of crime that could ever be justified with “well, maybe the victim should / should not have done this.” This is the most depraved and horrific violation of another being there is. I could be a virgin, I could believe sex is only for love, or I could even have multiple one-night stands a week. Nude or prude, it doesn’t matter. Sex is personal. Sex is a choice. Most importantly, sex requires consent.
Consent is a clear "yes", not the absence of “no.” If my consent was not given, it doesn’t matter what I was wearing, how late I was out, how friendly I was being, or if I had been knocking back shots all night. Nonconsensual sexual advances and actions are sexual assault. I should never be blamed for something I did not agree to. Nothing about my clothing, my prior actions, or my whereabouts will ever say I was “asking for it.” If I wanted to, I would be asking you, not my miniskirt.
This seems obvious, but society makes it so easy to turn it on the victim. This is not the way sexual assaults should be addressed. Any "but she..." or "maybe she..." judgements that could be added after the fact is not for society to determine. Why? Because that kind of thinking validates the crime itself. We have taken measures to protect women, like curfews and the buddy system, but these measures have evolved into unrealistic, unfair expectations like dress codes and sobriety. This evolution poisons our view on the issue, blurs the lines for the offenders, and tints everything a murky shade of gray.
I should never have to feel ashamed to report a sexual assault, yet I would. I would wonder if anyone would believe me, if everyone would blame me, and, after the judgements and whispers would have taken their toll, I would wonder if it was my fault.
The burden put on women in these situations is unbearable. We must act like a victim and attempt to accept that these crimes are partially our fault. As a society, we need to change our perspective, which we can do by remembering three simple things.
1. Sexual assault is never OK.
Not now, not ever, under any circumstances. There’s no validating or justifying why another person would deserve this.
2. Women should not be considered victims-by-birth.
My gender should not equal sufficient reasoning to alter my behavior to avoid being blamed for sexual assault committed against me. There is never a preventative measure that should be necessary over just saying “no”.
3. It’s time to focus more on the offender’s behavior.
I am not saying women shouldn’t take steps to alter their behavior to make them feel safe. I’m saying many of those steps have been forced to become necessary in all women’s everyday lives, which is the real issue. That should not be the emphasized solution to sexual assaults. How about more intensive, focused teaching on consent? Or that women are not objects? Or that women are not weaker beings to be dominated? The emphasis needs to change to altering the offender’s behavior and perspective first and foremost, since they are the ones who are wrong.
It is time to stop allowing society to cast a shadow of uncertainty around sexual assault and it’s victims. It is time for a change, and I’m calling for it, now.
Disclaimer: I recognize male sexual offenses, and sexual offenses against the LGBTQ+ community are a very big problem, but are not discussed in this article. These issues are often mistreated and require attention, but they are not the focus of this article. They deserve representation of their own articles and analyses because they stem from different roots and deal with different struggles, this article is not in any way attempting to devalue that.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MORE INFORMATION, HERE ARE CAMPAIGNS AND ORGANIZATIONS DOING AMAZING THINGS TO BRING AWARENESS TO THIS ISSUE:
#BriefMessage
Sanitary Pad Messages
Feminist Shoots
Stop Street Harassment
SlutWalk
Project Unbreakable
Not Alone
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I Need Feminism Because...
Stands With Survivors
Surviving in Numbers
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