“I hope that I could turn back the time to make it all alright for us. I promise to build a new world for us two, with you in the middle” - "Middle" by DJ Snake. Song I am currently obsessed with.
Close your eyes for a second. Just do it. And imagine someone in your life -- could be an ex lover, an ex friend, a loved one that passed away, or someone that just drifted away from you over time. Yes, for a second, you remember the pain in the farewell, but your brain compensates for it with a rush of pleasurable memories.
Ok so I closed my eyes and here’s what I got: Chilly summer nights spent staring up at the stars, laughing at how cliche we were being. The little spots we’d take each other to get away from the world or to grab a good coffee that wasn’t Starbucks (or as he would call it, some old lady’s diarrhea). Spur of the moment adventures that ended well past 4 am. The way looking into his eyes made me feel bare, like he knew what I needed him to know without either of us saying a word.
So, did you try it? I know. Suddenly this playful exercise becomes a tragedy. The only thing missing is them.
But know that they live in your head as those memories. And like the song I am obsessed with, everything is “alright.” It’s quite phenomenal how the brain compensates for pain with memories -- real or imagined.
I'm sure that I am starting to sound mushy and like every other article I see here written by a young woman who "like totally doesn't know how to do love" but there’s a truth to it. It’s beautiful to share a piece of your life with someone. Anyone. You give someone affection, or five minutes of your time, or maybe an ear, and they have added to your life things you did not think you needed. By communicating deeply with someone, no matter how brief the time may be, you learn about yourself things you did not know you did not know. Maybe even things you already knew but unlearned.
Bottomline: There is no such thing as unconditional love. Things will change. It’s only natural. Sometimes it’s good to remember the good times. It is great that you have met someone special. Whatever happened that made it so that they are no longer in your life is neither a bad or good thing specifically. Just know one thing. Like comedian Dwayne Perkins once said, a life is like a picnic. Don’t be that guy who only brought napkins. Make sure to at least have brought potato salad. After all, the invitation was not open to everyone.
If you know you are special to someone, make sure to contribute to their life in a way that makes them feel special too. We often miss this little piece. Everyone wants to feel connected. So rarely do we want to make a good potato salad.
