Over the years since my mother died, I have gotten scrutinized by people for not wishing others a happy mother's day. Here's why I don't: because Mother's Day is an annual reminder that I don't have a mother to celebrate.

For people like me, without a mother, it isn't a celebration. For people who have lost a child, it's a reminder of the Mother's Days that they will never get to celebrate with their child. For people who never had a mother, it's a day of longing for the mother they never knew. For people with abusive mothers, it's a reminder of the daily abuse they've faced.

Mother's Day is not just a day of celebration, it's a day of sadness for many, and that is why I refuse to say "happy Mother's Day". I am one of those people, and I don't want to remember all of the things I will never know, see, or do with my mother.

For days, I think about the "what if"s. I think about what it would have been like to spend Mother's Day with her just once and be able to remember it. I wonder if she was alive, would we be close enough to take selfies together, smiling and laughing, like my friends on Facebook do. I don't know what would have been and that saddens me. I don't want to hear people sharing the memories of their mothers because the entire time I think “would my mother have done that with me if she could?”

It's not an easy day for me and so many people I know. Mother's Day has not been a day of celebration for me for a very long time and it will never be. It's a day full of wondering and longing and "what if"s. It's a day full of pain and hurt and sorrow. It's not a day of joy and happiness and merriment. It's not a day of smiles and laughter and lifelong memories. So please, don't tell me I should wish someone a happy mother's day. I promise you, I never will.