Why I Really Don't Feel Like Going Out

So I finally have a boyfriend (pause for celebration).

Okay... So his name is Brad. We met here at Bona's and I love him with all my heart.
Things are amazing. He's perfect and he thinks I'm perfect as I'm sitting eating a tub of raw cookie dough in a t-shirt and no pants. It's great.

But unfortunately we have to do distance because he's active duty Army (I legit am so proud of him, like don't even get me started), so I'm here at school with my fraaaands and he's down in Fort Lee for another few months.

Now, if you go to Bona's, you know what we do on the weekends. We look forward to dancing in the two bars with the people we probably had Intellectual Journey or Natty Lab with. If you know me then you know I used to go out A LOT. Even when I shouldn't have gone out (I was an RA last year and still had my fair share of Burton time).

Bradley, though, doesn't like going out. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. He doesn't like the scene and I can agree at times. But Bradley is uncomfortable with me going out. He won't say it up front, but we've been together long enough that I can tell. When I go out he goes from "Hey baby, I love you so much I hope you're having a good day..." to "mh. ok." real quick. And it makes me super sad and then puts me in a bad mood if I am going out.

This whole thing is tough because one minute I want to stay in and talk to him all night and the next minute I have 2,845,843 text messages from friends asking if I'm going out. Personally, I haven't been as much into drinking as I "should be" at this school since Mil Ball/Junior Prom. I didn't even participate Spring Weekend for multiple reasons, but maybe drinking has just lost its touch for me. Maybe it's because half the reason people go out are to find/flirt with guys and I have the man of my dreams already. Maybe it's because it's the same people every weekend dancing to the same songs in the same bar. I'm bored of it. How many times can you dance to "Backbeat" while drinking a vodka crans talking to your friends about the same things you said during dinner? I'll tell you the answer, it's a lot. I've been going to the bars since sophomore year and by now you can predict what's going to happen just about every weekend.

I'm over it.

I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm not.

I also wish that people wouldn't blame my relationship. You don't know how many times I have heard, "If you weren't with Brad then you would go out more." Maybe that's true. Or maybe I would still be spending my Friday and Saturdays going to sleep at 10 p.m. and waking up at noon.

It sucks that people are jumping to that as the reason, and to be honest about whether it plays a factor: yes. Just like it would for anyone else. Why would someone want to go out and get hammered, flirty and sacrifice their relationship? I understand if you went out/met up with your S/O but I can't. My S/O is 446 miles away so we really can't do that.

I've heard the excuse of, "Oh he wont know." Well that's basically lying. That's what starts problems in relationships. Bradley and I don't fight as it is now, so why start? People told me to tell him to get over it... Okay, but yet if Bradley texted me and said, "Hey baby, I'm going to the club with Kent and Shawn." "Sure baby, do what you want," I would tell him. But of course the entire time I would be thinking about who he was with, what he was doing, if he's safe, who's driving, is he drinking and driving, who he was talking to, what girls are flirting with my boyfriend. It's probably the same thing he thinks when I go out. So why would you put that kind of unnecessary strain on a relationship? It's pointless.

I was as happy as a clam spending this summer with him, and almost none of it involved drinking. So if I can have the best summer I've ever had sober, why can't I have the best school year I've ever had sober?

Why can't my friends and I go out to dinner? Drive to Niagara Falls or Pittsburgh? Or waste a night at the local casino playing card games we have no idea how to play? Why does every weekend have to revolve around the bars?

So to sum up, some of the reason I don't go out now would be because of my lovely, amazing, fantastic, hot, wonderful boyfriend, but it's also because I grew up. And I really don't understand what the big deal is of wanting to do something different.