A friend breakup is usually the first relationship heartache we experience. At any age, these separations are hurtful and are especially confusing. The breakup can be even more dramatic than a romantic split. Friend portrayals in movies, television, and social media, give us an expectation that friends last forever (BFFs), but In real life, friends drift, come and go or maybe just fade away.
In the midst of a breakup, many people feel confused, rejected, and even embarrassed. There are plenty of love songs that we can latch on to when we lose a lover, but where are the sad songs for a friend breakup? There is not much in the self-help aisle about recovering from a friend break up. The lack of societal support leaves us lonely and disappointed over what happened.
I've been through my fair share of friend breakups, and I'm sorry to break it to you, it never gets any easier. Sometimes, a friend breakup is a good thing, a relief from a destructive friendship. Other times, it comes unexpected and we have no idea what had happened. Our minds swirl with uncertainty and insecurity. Navigating the demise of a friendship is a rough road on either side of the farewell.
When friends fade away it sometimes is obvious, but very often we have no idea why someone ghosted us. There isn't always that breakup moment like a romantic relationship has. We just notice the friend doesn't reach out or reply like they used to. This alienation takes a while to set in.
After a while, we are left feeling abandoned and without closure. It can be confusing and unsettling to not have answers. It's so tempting to make excuses. But you have to respect yourself. Don't fight for a friendship when the other person does not value you for what you're worth.
All you can do is make peace with the role that this person has had in your life. Their goodbye leaves room for another fulfilling relationship that has yet to come. If you are the person looking to end a friendship, have compassion and maybe provide some feedback to your ex-friend. Those conversations can help everyone learn and move on.
Closure is necessary for both parties to heal. And, after that person was your friend, you owe them that.
We might choose to separate from a person who does not deserve us. Friends who are selfish or people with negative energy. If you are sinking into a pool of toxicity, swim to the surface and get fresh air. Being around negative energy is depressing, contagious and can infiltrate your life.
This is a case of "it's not you, it's me": I need to do what is best for me, my mental health, and well-being. Often negative people are self-centered and caught up in their own complaints and misery. Choosing to take space from a Debbie Downer will help you put energy into people who are more positive and contribute positive energy into your life.
Although it is hard to break off a friendship, use sensitivity, and kindness. Remember it is a self-care choice you are making and maybe you can bring some self-awareness to the person you used to care about. If someone leaves you, for this reason, it is an opportunity to reflect on your behavior and examine things you say.
Maybe you don't realize how negative you are and you've been given a gift to become introspective about your mindset.
You might realize that you are not receiving what you deserve out of a friendship. When someone shows you their true colors, you have to believe them. If someone proves themselves to be a bad friend over and over again, you can't expect them to change.
It's hard to come to this realization. However, you have to acknowledge that they are not valuing your worth. Respect yourself and let go. I'd rather have one real friend than a thousand fake friends.
Each friend will serve a valuable purpose in your life. Through this journey we are on when someone leaves you or you leave them, it just means that their role in your life is over. Evaluate your role in the relationship and the breakup, and learn from it. Give your ex-friend love, kindness, and respect.
Keep in mind, we can find the value in the "gift of goodbye". It's not that we don't want lifelong friendships to end, but when things start to go south, look for the opportunity to grow.
